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The Women Respond to Men Say: Love

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And we’re back! But this time we’re discussing LOVE! Check out what these ladies have to say about this post.

ASMT

Whose answer do you identify with the most? Eric, Wale, Greg or Shimmy? Do you believe a woman loves differently from a man?

Vanessa: In this instance, I would have to agree with Shimmy. In my opinion, I feel like it honestly just depends on the person and also, the dynamic of the relationship but whether you’re a man or a woman when it’s all said and done love is love.

Kimberly: I absolutely identify most with shimmy’s answer when he says that men are portrayed as the “careless type.” However, i also believe that men do love differently from men. Most* women are on the surface, the I love you’s, the I miss you’s it always feels good to say it and mean it. Men don’t say it as often but not always* because they don’t mean it. Blame society and the stigma they have on a man being a “bitch”. “Can’t let her know you love her all the time, in order to play the game.” BUT in reality, they do love very differently. Not in the way ya’ll think or the way I mentioned, you think women love hard? Men love HARDER. They are some emotional creature once you’ve got their heart, trust. And if you break it? HA! You’ll see just how differently they love.

Yani: I agree with Wale the most. I think he explained the differences clearly. Men are more about action while women are more about words. I’ve learned through past situations that sometimes your significant other may not verbalize how they feel at all times but their actions say it loud and clear. I hope to have a better balance when it comes to this in my next relationship! Like Wale pointed out, some men will treat their significant others like trash but say, “I love you” and all is well. I was in a relationship like that and will never allow myself to be in that situation again. Actions DO speak louder than words. Don’t tell me that you love me…SHOW ME. (Well…tell me sometimes!)

Nadine: Do men and women love differently? Simply stated… YES. To me that is as obvious as the sky is blue. Does that mean women love harder than men or vice versa? I would say no. When you get down to the core of what love is, what it means, and how it feels, I believe we feel it the same way but express it differently. I think women are more brainwashed on what we think and feel love should LOOK like. We’ve been conditioned since we were little girls to think love is what Disney told us it was. We grew up but did those ideas ever really leave us?

For the most part, at a certain point in life we begin to understand that reality isn’t the fantasies ingrained and drilled into our minds as children, but there is that part of almost every woman who wants the fairy tale: the man who will sweep us off our feet, our prince charming, our happily ever after. Some men have realized this about us and no matter how ridiculous it may seem to him, he cares enough to go the extra mile to make her feel like the “princess” she’s yearned to be. I’d be lying if I told you I have never wanted the romantic love story or simply a Valentines day that left my heart floating in mid-air, but is that what love really is? Our love comes with layers, filters, fillers… but it’s all genuine and sincere but often unnecessary. A man in love on the other hand, I believe THAT is the purest form of love. Love with no filter, no layers, no additives. It’s organic.

What are your thoughts on Greg’s response about love all being the same? [Meaning: You can express love in different ways but at its core it’s not different.] Do you agree?

Vanessa: I understand what Greg is saying about all love being the same, but I don’t necessarily agree. I think that There’s levels to it and I don’t think you can love everyone equally. You love people more or less than others depending on the relationship. How could the love you feel for your parents be the same as the love you feel for a friend? It may be as strong but it’s not the same.

Kimberly: I think Greg is wise in saying that, love is love. When you love someone you might not show it the way they expect but put more simply: its all the same under the emotion. it all depends on what you want to show the person and how much you really want them to see.

Yani: I think love can be the same if both parties are on the same page but unfortunately, some relationships lack the level of communication needed which is why they turn sour. One person loves 100% while the other isn’t even in love or has one foot in and one foot out…turns into a messy situation.

Nadine: I agree 100% with Greg’s answer and I touched on that in my previous response. If two people truly love one another, the existence of reciprocity and mutuality is automatic. We are people… individuals who have our own mind processes and thoughts. We have our own ways of going about shit (pardon my french) and love isn’t an exception of that fact. I love my man and I know he loves me. I don’t think I love him more than he loves me and vice versa but do we show and express our love for one another the same? HELL NO. There’s no “ruler” to measure the depths of one’s love for another but my method doesn’t need to be his method for us to come to the same and equal conclusion; and that’s how I look at love. We may go about it differently, show it differently, but we all feel love the same.

How do you differentiate between love & lust? What are your thoughts on men’s responses to this question?

Vanessa: I think the difference between the two are pretty clear. Most people, mostly women (sorry ladies) are so caught up in the lust phase because they don’t want that infatuation to go away, they confuse it with love. The men answered that question quite openly and honestly and they actually make sense. I’ve heard men say a million times that the determining factor comes after they sleep with the woman. This is also why I’m so against the “90 day rule” or whatever other rule because If it’s just lust, on day 91 those “Good morning, beautiful” texts cease to exist. Eric was right on point when he said, you can always tell how they feel about you by how they interact with you and their level of interest in you during this phase. Unfortunately, some women ignore it. It sucks that it has to be this way but it’s real.

Kimberly: Love, in my opinion, is the ability to think about the person once the smoke clears. This means, once the clothes are on, once the make up is off and once you see something you don’t like about that person (and you still deal with it), that’s love. LUST, well that to me is just pure desire. More like a passionate craving, I don’t always think it applies to sex. As a woman, it’s easy to lust for a passionate conversation… but its usually just sex haha. I think the one thing that bothered me was Wale’s use of “served your purpose” I guess the feminist in me wasn’t really fucking with that, I’m gonna let him rock out though because I thought he was the most honest one.

Yani: I think the test of time gives me the answer to whether a situation is love or lust. I agree with Eric the most on this one. If the attraction is more than physical then I will want to know all of you (not just your body) and do more for you which will lead me to believe that it’s more than lust. The rest of the responses were um… wow totally did not expect to read what I did, especially Wale’s response. It frightened me.

Nadine: Honestly lust for me is VERY simple; its what I feel before I really get to know a guy BUT we have that chemistry that carries me and keeps me interested until I can get to the meat and bones of who he really is as a person. Sexual attraction is ALWAYS the first feeling you encounter when getting to know someone as a potential partner and if you say differently, I may have to call you a liar but that is what lust is for me. When I’m only in lust with a guy, its about 100x easier to let the situation go if I realize its not for me; this is usually the best time for someone like me to come to that realization because once I fall in love… you’re low-key stuck with me (just kidding).

The difference is very clear for me and I know I’m moving into the realm of love when I’m talking to my girls and it’s not solely about how dope his sex game is. But it doesn’t go straight from lust to love, there is an important in between that lays the foundation on the journey to loving someone.

Simply stated: Lust is purely sexual in nature and love is the transcendence of that. 

Eric’s answer pretty much nails this question right on the head in one sentence, and since I can’t ever keep anything short I’ve turned that one simple idea into a novel. Greg’s answer is exactly what I would expect from him lol, enough said but his point is clear. Shimmy’s answers is too kumbaya for me, I get what he’s saying but it’s a bit too white washed and Disney because even in love, sex matters, sex always matters, let’s keep it funky.

Do you feel Eric’s comment of only being able to love two people in a lifetime is true? What about Wale’s reason as to why it is possible to be in love with two people simultaneously?

Vanessa: I’m honestly more interested in finding out the reasoning behind Eric’s comment. I thought it was interesting. I understand Wale’s POV in his response but I don’t know If I completely agree. First of all, I don’t think you should be in love with someone that you’re not romantically involved with. You can love them until the day you die depending on your history which I think is ok but, to continue being in love with them after you’re no longer together and THEN pursing someone else and feeling like you’re in love with someone else is extremely selfish. To love someone means to give your all to them 100% of the time. How can you give 100% of yourself to 2 people at… the… same… time!? HOW SWAY!?

Kimberly: I AGREE! Eric absolutely has a point. My first love opened up a world of firsts, and for that I am grateful. But after that mess, I now know what I want. My likes/dislikes and what I will and will not tolerate. This helped me to find exactly what wanted in a guy. Being in love with two people at once? Impossible and if it is possible, that shit would be exhausting.

Yani: I think Eric’s comment about only being able to love two people in a lifetime is…strange. It reminds me of A Bronx Tale. Sounds like it came from a novel or script. I just think putting a number on something like that isn’t realistic. You can love one person in your lifetime or five. In response to Wale’s comment, if you find yourself “in love” with two people at the same time then, like Eric said, you don’t know what you want therefore you don’t know what love really is. I don’t think loving two people at the same time is possible.

Nadine: In response to Eric’s answer; 1 of 2 things is possible: Either I am a freak of nature being that I can honestly say in my 20 and some change years of life, I’ve been in love 5 times (presently in it right now)  or at least 3 of those men, I never really loved at all. Be it as it may, I’d go with the freak of nature explanation because I do sincerely believe I was in love all of those times, so I’ve blown that 2 loves in a lifetime threshold right out of the water. There has only been one time in my life that I thought I was in love and later realized, I couldn’t have been. I don’t think anyone can really put a limit on the number of times a person can fall in love in their lifetime, we are all individually unique, there is no two people who are exactly alike in every aspect of their lives, so something as random and unpredictable as love can’t fit in any type of box or mold. I believe a person can fall in love as many or as little times as it takes to meet the person they are meant to be with.

Can you love two people at the same time? I’ve never believed this was possible and I still don’t. As Wale stated, to truly love someone you have to completely give yourself to them, I 100% agree with this statement but I can’t see how it would be possible to give what is needed to foster true love by dividing yourself amongst two different people. No one ever really falls in love with the rebound when you’re trying to move past an old situation, it may feel like it but that’s rarely ever the case. I think in hindsight anyone who believes they were in love with two people at once realizes that one of those people OR even both wasn’t what they thought it was. Like the saying goes:

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second” – Johnny Depp

Cheating, cheating, cheating. What’s your response to Greg’s reasoning? Do women truly have sex for different reasons? Is Wale foul for pulling the “we all make mistakes’ card?

Vanessa: I think both men and women cheat simply because something is lacking in the relationship. It could be a lack of sexual attention but it can also be emotional. I don’t think men ever really want to admit they cheat because his partner doesn’t give him enough emotional attention but ladies, #staywoke! I think in this day and age people need to have a more open mind about the reason behind cheating. I’m not in any way saying it’s ok but we’re so quick to say it’s because there’s no love but I don’t think that has anything to do with it. We all really do make mistakes but it’s also important to learn from them so you don’t become a repeat offender. They always say “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” but unless you go over there for yourself you’ll always look over there wondering, and that to me is just as bad.

Kimberly: Cheating is touchy because, well, what is cheating to you? It’s all subjective. I do believe women and men cheat for the same reasons though. Men seek attention through lust, through a woman desiring them sexually and wanting all of them (and it). Women seek attention through listening, and through interaction. We want the “Good morning beautiful” and the occasional “Damn, you’re bad.” (Whether the sex is to follow is on you). I understand Wale’s point of view. A mistake is a mistake and can remain a mistake forever because with mistakes come insecurities that can really make your relationship suffer. However, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’m a dumb bitch.

Yani: Cheating because you can? Sounds selfish and gross. If I love you then I won’t touch another person sexually. I know this personally. I have been cheated on and at one time, was the cheater. I learned a lot from that horrid relationship in regards to my feelings and what “love” really is. I know that I’ve never been in love and when I find myself willing to talk, go out or even entertain another man, that is when the relationship is lacking and it’s time for me to fix it or leave. Once the thought of cheating comes into play, I think love is out the window.

Nadine: First let me start off by saying cheating is wrong no matter who does it for whatever reason. I’ve always believed that if you are going to disrespect someone in that manner, LEAVE THEM. With that being said, yes men and women cheat for entirely different reasons for the most part because, guess what, men and women are different! Honestly for a man, I think its all about opportunity and willpower. Some men have the opportunity to cheat but the willpower to resist temptation when temptation is blatantly presented to them, most don’t have it. If the access and availability is there, 7 out of 10 times a man will give in. This is my philosophy. A man can love his girlfriend/wife with all his heart and still stick his penis in another women because like Greg said it was easy and it’s just as simple as that.I don’t believe there is anything a woman can really do to keep a man from cheating on her because a lot of the time the reason why he’s stepped out has nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. Some women internalize the idea that his cheating had something to do with her. I’ve been cheated on before and I’ve never made that mistake because when it’s all said and done, my fabulosity cannot be denied. Obviously the n-word was crazy and lost his mind which has nothing to do with me.

On the other hand, women for the most part cheat because they are lacking something. Something she isn’t getting from the man in her life pushes her into the arms of another and though this isn’t right, at times I can actually understand why a woman has stepped out on her relationship over why a man has. Either way you slice it, it’s all wrong. A one time act of infidelity can loosely be seen as a mistake (a mistake that can cost you everything nonetheless). Anything after that or habitual cannot be classified as “mistakes” as you are now consciously continuing to disrespect the person you are involved with, which highly puts your love for them into question and possibly invalidates that “love” all together. No man or woman who habitually cheats on their significant other loves them. That habitual act of despicable disrespect is a clear sign that what you have with that person means very little to you.

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9 Comments

  1. I read this article with interest. I really respect what Nadine said about cheating. Let me just say that I explain love not as a feeling, but as a decision to treat someone as if you value them. Here’s the thing, you won’t always feel love. So, what do you do when you aren’t feeling love for your partner? The rational human doesn’t need to rely just on their feelings. We have our intelligence and our spirits. So, think carefully about the whether you can choose to love a person when you aren’t feeling love.

    1. I sooooo wholeheartedly agree with “love is not a feeling but a decision.” Any choice you make to disrespect your relationship is clearly a choice you made not to love your SO!

  2. Great responses, except for those who disagreed with me. All of you are gonna get clapped up. Nah, jk. Great responses, really.

  3. would be cool to see this as like a webisode – maybe even keep the females behind a curtain and then bring em out at the end lol

  4. I really liked the responses. I found Nadine’s to be especially aligned with mine, except for the whole being in love with the 5 people. Mostly because I have issues with the terms “in love” and the whole notion than the actual number.

    But all in all, great article!

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