For Black Girls Who Need Boundaries
* Written by Ashley Sharie for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “For Black Girls” post series
Having a big heart is a beautiful thing.
But sometimes you need your heart too.
It’s so easy to tie your identity into how valuable you can be for others. How helpful, how accessible, how dependable, how clutch. But sometimes being everything to everybody means there’s nothing left for you.
If we’re honest, letting others down is a myth, and you know this. The people you are so desperately trying to keep happy, and the relationships hanging on by a thread — aren’t meant for you. Those who genuinely love you want you in their lives happy and whole. Those who only take from you will adjust (read: move on) as soon as you don’t produce. So, drop the relationships that cause you anxiety—the relationships where you show up out of obligation and at the expense of your mental health. The people and things that steal your peace, interrupt your rest and are ok with you not being your best. Recognize the blessing of these people and things falling out of your life. Life is an entirely different experience when it’s on your terms and not others’ expectations.
The hardest part about boundaries is saying no. Whether it’s with your words or actions, it’s that feeling that you’ve let someone down. But in reality, it’s not about who you are “letting down,” it’s who you are holding up — and that is yourself. Boundaries are about choosing you.
This year is about exploring what you are a yes for and getting really clear on what you want. How do you want to feel each day? How do you want to spend your time? Who you want to be in your life? And then, say no to the things that go against what you’ve decided. Moment by moment, choose to check-in. What does this activity feel like? Is this person encouraging? Am I present at this moment, or am I performing?
Soon you’ll be able to see it.
What’s meant for you is always meant for you.
You don’t have to wear yourself down for the things you don’t need.
Ashley Sharie, Creative and Coach, growwithashley.com.
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