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The Women Respond: Let’s Talk About Sex Baby! Part 1

MENWOMENSAYSsex

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his summer, YS.com took the Men Say’s Post series to the next level by discussing the topic I’ve avoided since 2011, sex. The men were honest, the men got straight to the point, and of course the men were so damn entertaining.

But it was only right that allowed the women to respond to what was shared. Check out below for the beginning of the juicy-ness and do not forget to come back tomorrow for the rest of the shenanigans!

[ Click here to read the men’s unedited answers ]


 

Body count seems to be a deciding factor for guys these days, just take a look at the guys responses! Does this make you a little less willing to share your true “body-count” number? Greg states that your morals are reflected through your sexual activity, do you find this to be true?

Nadine: Ah, the infamous body count discussion. Is she a whore? I think this is a very subjective topic and varies per person. As a woman more so than men, being selective on who we share our bodies with says a lot about how we view ourselves, our upbringing, our morals, etc. I agree with Greg in the notion that body count is directly tied to a woman’s morality. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look at promiscuous women in a less than flattering light as opposed to those who choose to be responsible with their sexuality. Yes I said responsible, and that doesn’t just apply to using protection or birth control.

Even before I lost my virginity, I felt as though sex was something to be cherished and taken seriously. Even though it may sound crazy, I’ve have a “number” that I hope to never go over. It’s about how I would feel about myself and it’s a number I feel comfortable sharing if someone were to ask me. I’ve never want to be the kind of woman men talk about in their inner circles, the type they demean and berate, so I try to guard my reputation as best I can.

Michelle: I find it somewhat asinine that some men let a woman’s body count be a deciding factor for them, however I can understand it. No man wants to walk into a room with his woman on his arm and know that at least 20 men in there have smashed her. Although men know women have a past, I don’t think all of them want to acknowledge it. Some like to keep their woman up on a pedestal of purity with the idea that they’re the only man she’s ever had. (She can swallow like that for a reason, sir.) But come on, we all have a past and parts of it may be a little sketchy.

If asked about my count, I do take a pause of hesitation because you never know how a man will react until it’s on the table. It could go either way. However, I’m honest. That’s my past, take it or leave it. I agree with Rudny when he said to evaluate it case by case. Just because a woman has a double-digit number, it’s not cool to immediately write her off as a whore and a bad person, unless it’s like he said and she just doesn’t care about maintaining some decency. And Greg is right; your sexual activity does shine a light on your morals.

Vanessa: Body count has been a topic I’ve seen come up a numerous amount of times lately. I’m trying to understand the true reason behind this. I honestly don’t think it’s even appropriate to ask anyone for their body count. I think it’s on the same level as asking someone for their credit score or how much they make. If they are voluntarily willing to share then that’s cool, but to demand a number or make it a factor is unnecessary in my opinion. Why does it matter? To know whether she’s a hoe? You’re already dating this person that should’ve been a thought beforehand. I think this is backwards thinking. You meet a woman/man, you like her/him, he/she’s cool and the vibe is right, but his/her body count is “too high” now what?

It’s amazing to me how some people think what a person’s life was before they met you is any of their business. If it directly affects the relationship (baby, health issues, crazy ex) then that’s different. My thing is, if I get a body count and I don’t know you that well yet, how can I disprove you or know if it’s true? If you want to know for health reasons, make one of your dates a trip to the free clinic, then you will know everything you need to know. BOOM! As for me sharing my body count, I will do it when I’m exclusive with you and when it becomes an appropriate time for the conversation, if we’re casually dating, no.

Yves: I think it’s always good to be honest. If a guy asks me that question then I will answer it. I have never been asked though. Most of the men I have dealt with cared more about my career, goals, education and how good I looked on paper or to their friends. I think because of social media standards, anything more than 2 sexual partners is considered a hoe. Even if the woman is 30 years old and started dating at 16, just as an example. The amount of sexual partners does say a lot about the woman but I really don’t think it’s a deciding factor.

Brittany:  I’m not ashamed of my “body count number,” and I’ve never been reluctant to share it with the right person. I do not agree that your sexual activity is a direct correlation of your morality. In fact, I think it’s the opposite. I grew up in the church and I know for a fact the most “holy” are the freakiest people and were promiscuous long before many of us. We are sexual beings by nature, going against that is repressing our desires and naturally we are going to act upon it. A woman could sleep with 2 men, and another could sleep with 50 but depending on the quality of sex, the woman with the lower body count could be a better lover.

Does a man’s body count matter to you? What’s too much for you too handle? Better yet, men tend to like women with a lesser body count, are you willing to break in a virgin or the unexperienced?

Nadine: A man’s body count doesn’t matter to me at all. I’ve dated men who have been both high and low on that scale; body count has never been a deciding factor for me. Men love sex, I’d rather he get that hoe shit out of his system and sleep with as many girls to his penis’ content before he meets me. My main concern would be whether he is healthy or not. A sexually experienced man is definitely a preference for me especially because there were times I barely knew what I was doing, experienced boyfriends have taught me a lot about sex and even my own body. Dating a virgin would be a task I would not be willing to take on at this point in my life, I need a man who knows what to do and how to do it. #HeyBoo 😉

Michelle: A man’s body count has never mattered and it never will. I wouldn’t hold it against him, but it would matter to me if his past has an impact on our relationship in some way. I know men will be men and a lot of them whore out at some point and put a lot of mileage on their penises. Cool. I can deal with some mileage. But, if it’s an extremely ridiculous number that makes me cringe when I hear it, we have a problem. I’m going to wonder if he can settle down and be truly happy and faithful. Otherwise, as long as he doesn’t have any diseases or a dozen kids running around, I’ll accept it. I’m absolutely not dealing with a virgin or an inexperienced man. I really don’t have the patience to walk him through everything play-by-play. “Rub this. Bite there. Kiss that. Smack it. Choke me. Slow down. Speed up.” Nope. I prefer a man with a little experience under his belt. And even then sometimes it’s still play-by-play.

Vanessa: A man’s body count doesn’t matter to me. If that makes my morals and standards questionable then so be it. I just feel like it’s honestly none of my business and vice versa. If I know for a fact that you get around because of mutual friends that you’ve slept with etc. then we wouldn’t even be in a position to have that conversation in the first place. I think it would be so fun to break in a virgin but I’m worried about the long term satisfaction. I’d probably require more due to the fact that I’m more experienced.

Yves: I don’t care about a man’s body count. I have never asked. I may be more fascinated by what excites him sexually then by the amount of women he has been with. I don’t know how I would handle a man who is a virgin.

Brittany: A man’s body count doesn’t matter to me. I’m more concerned with his health, especially if it is a higher number. I prefer an experienced man, one who knows what he’s doing and I do not have to teach. I think anything over 40 might be too much if you’re under 40. I am not willing to “break in a virgin”. If he’s inexperienced I would really really have to love him.

The 90-day-rule was brought to light by Steve Harvey. Have you ever practiced some variation of this rule and why? Has a guy ever respected it?

Nadine: I made my first wait 2 years, not sure if that counts. He had been sexually active before me but I was still a virgin. He respected the fact that I wasn’t ready and waited for me. After that experience I can’t say I’ve ever practiced the “90 day rule” but I do have a rule, however there is no specific time frame involved. If I feel as though we are headed down a mutual path and we could be something more than what we currently are and it feels right, I have no problem putting sex on the menu. I’m the “we go together now” type of chick as soon as you put the tip in, that’s all it takes; I come with strings.

Michelle: I think the 90 day rule is some bullshit and I loathe Steve Harvey and his suits for presenting us with that idea. If sex is all he’s after, he’s going to go ghost after he gets it no matter how long I make him wait. I feel that if a man is genuinely interested in me and the feeling is mutual and we’ve spent time together, there doesn’t have to be a time frame placed on sex. I’ll still be respected and we’ll move forward even after the sex is no longer the pink elephant in our relationship. With all that being said, what I practice is being an adult about the situation and doing what makes me comfortable. Am I bussing it open on the first date? No. But I’m more than likely not waiting 90 days either.

Vanessa: The 90 day rule is garbage! I don’t mean any disrespect to anyone who believes in this but that’s my opinion. I believe two people should fornicate when they’re both comfortable, whether it takes 1 day, 10 days, 30 days, or 90 but to put a direct time frame on it is silly to me. I personally don’t feel like it guarantees a man to stay, he might leave on day 91 and now you’ve wasted a whole 3 months of your life. I’ve never done this, and probably never will.

Yves: Hmm, the 90 day rule is interesting. It’s a test of self-control. I was celibate for over 3 years and I can say that men don’t always accept or respect that.  A lot of men equate sex as being the same thing as intimacy. So withholding sex for any time frame is like not showing them you care/love them. I am a go with the flow type of girl so I haven’t practiced the 90 day rule. It’s more about what I want/need at the moment that will determine what happens in the relationship.

Brittany: I have! I “talked” to a guy for about 3 months before we even went on a date. We dated for about 2 months before we were intimate. He respected it a lot actually. He was looking for someone worth working for — that’s maturity.

[ Click here to read Part Two ]

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2 Comments

  1. I’d never heard of the 90-day rule! Interesting. In fact, there’s a lot to think about in here – & for what it’s worth, I’m not fond of revealing my “body count.” It’s rather high, I’ll say that, but I also don’t think it’s reflective of my current sexual outlook or interests, & so if asked, I usually just try to find some way to say that – that I’m not ashamed of it but that it’s also not a place I’m at right now, & it’s not relevant, in the grand scheme of things. I don’t want to know his, either – or anyone else’s.

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