Written by Nia Phillip for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “To The Girl” post series
We’ve been at this for quite a while. I write this to you in hopes of making the rest of our journey together a bit more peaceful, a bit more harmonious, and a bit more balanced. We’ve had some pretty serious talks at different points on this journey. Lord knows it gets hairy sometimes. You see, the thing is the both of us can’t rule.
Neither of us are at fault. We didn’t ask for the trauma or the abandonment. We didn’t ask to be left out of the family photos, or rejected by the stepdad. We didn’t ask to be separated from the one parent that we needed most. We didn’t ask to become a stranger to our siblings. We didn’t ask to parent our siblings. We didn’t ask to be unwanted.
Still. That doesn’t give you the right to be so angry. So desperate. So unyielding. When you’re in control I’m curled up in a corner waiting for it to be over. I know the work begins when you’ve exhausted us and we can no longer take the pain.
I’m just a bit exhausted by the way you decide to take control. You’re like a tornado. Disruptive. You come in and turn things upside down. When I think we’ve moved past it, I wake up in a marriage of your doing. Chasing down another unnecessary achievement. Shopping for clothes I don’t need. Trying to fix someone who can’t fix themselves. You turn us into a NEED. Somehow I make a way out for us but there is always a cost.
For a while there I needed you. Your disruption protected me, it propelled me, it reassured me of the strength I needed to be a powerful force. Your strength… strengthen me. Now, it’s time for us to live differently. Can we live together in peace? Can we listen to each other? Can we heal? Can you allow me to love us the way we’ve always needed to be loved?
So next time you want to take control and run things, let’s agree on the following terms:
Achievement won’t heal us.
Strength won’t heal us.
He won’t heal us.
Sex won’t heal us.
Work won’t heal us.
Marriage won’t heal us.
Money won’t heal us.
Clothes in the closet won’t heal us.
A brand/business won’t heal us.
Only I can heal us. Yes, me. The adult. You are the child. The part of us that did not have a fair shot. The part of us that had to fight for so long. Only I have the ability to fill all our wounds with the love we needed but didn’t receive.
Our well being is not in your strength, it’s in healing.
It’s my turn to do the work of healing us.
You can rest. Thank you for all you’ve done… I’ve got it from here.