Written by Ashley Sharie for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “To The Girl” post series
To The Girl That Lived For Achievement,
What you are searching for will never be found in the things. You know this, but continue to brush past the feelings as you hurry onto the next thing, and the next thing…and the next thing. You like having something to do, someone to be, somewhere to go. Always on the move.
It’s ok though.
Sooner rather than later you’re going to burn out. Somewhere between running from practice to class, from work to a game, and from work to practice… to class. Somewhere during these 14 hour days, and the extra 20lbs. It’s all going to fall apart.
You are going to fall apart.
And that’s ok.
Death has a way of showing you what truly matters in life. What really mattered all the while you were too busy doing all the things. This one is going to hit hard and knock you so far on your ass. It’s going to hurt. It’s funny now to think of you lying on the couch, in silent protest. Pouting with all your misplaced anger and frustration. Not completing your thesis won’t bring your uncle back, my love.
But it definitely helped in the moment.
This is the very last time you’ll pull through to achieve as the “old you”. This achievement, your Masters, will teach you far more than you signed up for. The hardest part by far is how little you will feel for it all. Walking across the stage will bring but fleeting joy. As you return to your seat, to feel the same anger and frustration return. But, to answer your question, yes it was worth it.
As bittersweet as it all seems, this moment grew you immensely. The compassion you now have for yourself, the fierceness with which you choose to advocate for you — it was birthed through those very tears of both sadness and joy.
For this was the moment you realized the truth.
Your worth was never in the things.
Your worth is found in you, not in what you can do.
P.S. One missed summer doesn’t erase a lifetime of smiles and memories. You can forgive yourself now.