Written by R’ryona Thomas for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “To The Girl” post series
To The Girl Who Felt Inadequate But Is Slowly Pulling It Together,
Being insecure sucks. It really pulls at your anxieties and throws them under a microscope. I truly can’t remember a time when I was fully secure with myself, even to this day
I always felt like I was the ugly friend. I’m always the fat friend of the group, and somehow I pick a lot of friends that are charmingly outgoing and I just never inherited that trait. Being home and by myself is just easy and I don’t have to worry about “competing” or bothering anyone in general. In my head, it makes it easier for everyone.
For the longest time I didn’t understand why my friends were friends with me. A lot prettier, skinnier, went out more, and were incredibly comfortable in their own skin. I can remember all the way back to kindergarten being noticeably taller and bigger in size than the rest of the other students. It didn’t help that for a while I went to majority-white schools, so I was very aware at a young age that I was different. Fast forward to my high school/college years, nothing really changed except that I was the-even-bigger friend (something like a freshman 60) and more insecure.
And then there’s now… and I still struggle, and that’s okay. Getting older helped me realize that life is literally about taking everything in stride. It’s also about finding things to distract your insecurities. The gym has probably saved my life. Not only have I lost weight, but I’ve accomplished things that I never thought I would consider doing, and when I’m there and surpassing my goals, it boosts my confidence to the tenth degree.
So to the girl who felt inadequate but is slowly pulling it together, take your time. There’s no rush on YOUR progress. More people support you than don’t. And when you think no one sees you, I see you.
R’ryona Thomas, Packaging Engineer & Host of Unwritten & Unbotherered Podcast