Trusting My Gut And Moving Forward
** Originally written and sent out in the Extra Dose newsletter last week.
Let me tell you about Certified 10.
It started with a breakdown, and was formed through a bond between two friends trying to figure out self-care post our college days. It quickly turned into the movement highlighting self-love as the best kind of love, and later on adopted a greater purpose: advocating for a healthy mental being. With a name change and a nasty lawsuit, I fought to keep the mission alive. With numerous posts and affirmations, 6 workshops, and one incredibly powerful web series, Certified 10 has fought to promote conversations of Mental Health. And this upcoming February will mark the 5-year anniversary of Certified 10, but it will also be its temporary sunset.
I’ve tiptoed around this thought throughout the year, which is mainly why I pushed myself to put together the Certified Words web-series. I wanted to do the scariest thing I had planned for the organization to see if the spark was still there. I wanted to do something new, something big, something raw, to personalize the mission, and put beautiful faces to the tabooed topic of Mental Health.
And indeed the spark was still there, but that wasn’t the issue, and I think you and I already knew that. The issue was not knowing if Certified 10 was really meant to be. And if it had longevity. Or the stickiness factor. And if we’re being honest here, the mental means to continue building something as a one woman team is slowly diminishing.
You never truly know what it’s like to be an entrepreneur until you’re down in the trenches with your paperwork, your invoices, your roadmaps, and your heart wide open. Building something from scratch takes more than just time and hard work. It needs to be planted with determination and capital, watered by the most potent of passions, and maintained by the sunshine rays of a strong faith. It needs to be constantly sprayed down with doubt killer, and at often times, needs to be repotted with innovation.
In other words: it’s a lot of fucking work.
Work that I love to do, but just can’t pull myself to do right now. It feels off. Something isn’t adding up. And instead of ignoring that gut feeling and what I now see as signs, I’m reluctantly choosing to table my baby for an undisclosed amount of time, because… the universe, faith, and whatever this burning feeling is inside of my stomach.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like some type of a failure right about now. After putting in 5 years of work, and investing more than $25,000 into this passion, I’m hitting the pause button which could very well be a stop button, and I’m petrified it will be seen as a cop out. Which I don’t think it is, but maybe it is.
I just know that doing C10 right now doesn’t feel like the right thing to do, and hopefully this feeling will lead me to what it is I should be focusing on. Whether it’s a new and improved Certified 10 or something completely different.
“What you’re passionate about
may not be what you’re here to do…”
Thank you to absolutely everyone that has supported Certified 10 in any possible way.
I appreciate and love you all loads.
Please do not be too disappointed in me and this decision.
Just trying to do what is best for me, my creativity, and this mission of mental health awareness.
You do what’s best for you, baby girl. The universe will sort it all out.
I’m proud of you, friend, & I hope you see this not as a failure but as a success, for recognizing what you need right now.
Sometimes, taking a step back is the only true way to move forward. You have a lot of greatness left in you, girl.
OMG! Being an entrepreneur is a ton of work with so many highs and lows! No one really talks about and thank you for being so open!
I just stumbled upon your blog through twitter and it already made me kind of sad that I caught you at the beginning of what I hope will only be a break. I have a Masters in Social Work and it is so wonderful to see another BROWN blogger that is bringing more awareness to mental health. And the fact that you are talking about mental health it is so important for you to take the break that you need. I really hope this is only a break but for now I will be reading what I missed.