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To The Girl Who Should Have Trusted Her Instincts

Written by Marilys Candelario for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “To The Girl” post series

[Tweet “”Be your own guru. Only you need to trust your intuition.” – Marilys Candelario”]

To the girl that should have trusted her instincts the first time,

So you’re at a bar, and you never like to miss an opportunity to show off. After a few drinks, you head to the bathroom, where there’s a line. You overhear some guys speaking about the topic that has surrounded your entire upbringing – Dominicans versus Puerto Ricans. You’ve got that tequila confidence raging through your veins…

(Wait was it tequila? I think it was because you had your fair share of bad encounters with vodka during your college days, so it must have been some cheap tequila shots at the usual “half-price all night” sports bar.)

So back to the story… you pop in and say something along the lines of, “I can make you see Rican girls are better.” You go on to put your number in said guys’ cell and tell him to text you if he wants to find out. This is your favorite way to flirt, always hoping to win over someone who underestimates you.

Why are you always looking to have someone’s attention?
Why don’t you just screen calls, don’t respond to texts from questionable people, and most importantly why do you have zero regards for checking people when they don’t treat you right?

Remember that time in college when you knew that girl was up to no good but you still hung out with her? And even after she got you arrested because she was shoplifting and you were roped into it with her you still went on to become her roommate for a year. Well, what would be the odds that that girl was 6 degrees of separation from the guy you met at that sports bar that night 3 years later? Funny how life has these ill-fated twists and turns.

I wonder when it truly began. When did you learn to not listen to your gut? Was it when that boss sexually harassed you at work? Or was it earlier in your life? Deep down you know there’s a few more tragic events you somehow survived by way of disengaging with your memories. I mean, why not disengage when the reality is so shitty you prefer to forget than constantly overthink every detail.

I wouldn’t have enough space in this post to explain all the steps taken to shed all the layers keeping you from your instincts, but what I can assure you of is this:

  • Dream way fucking bigger than a husband, white picket fence, and kids. You are capable of so much more;
  • Approach each and every day as if the universe is conspiring to give you everything your heart desires;
  • Find ways to cleanse your energy and release all the negative energy of the experiences and people weighing you down; and
  • When you feel ready, cut all ties to the negativity that surrounds you – be ruthless! Your peace and self-care should be prioritized above ALL else.


P.S. You are going to live in a future world where your vulnerability turns out to be the key to your unlimited power. Keep being yourself rather than succumbing to the pressure to fit in. Also, boundaries are hard as hell but super necessary so start setting those up ASAP.

P.S.S. Stop thinking you are too broken for that sweet guy from work to want your baggage. Not only does he have baggage too, like everyone on this earth, but he also isn’t scared of your “broken” parts. He is the best investment you could ever make, so commit already!

P.S.S.S This little girl teaches you the definition of motherly instincts. You can’t protect her from the world but you do have the influence to show her how to tap into her highest power, so keep doing the work.

Marilys Candelario, Founder of Mari Vega LLC, A motherhood coaching & advocacy platform
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  1. Hi Mari — I relate to this so much. From tequila confidence, to bad experience with vodka, to the flirtation and desire to prove wrong those who underestimate me. I have long since moved on from those wild nights out — and find that doing the work to really know myself has brought far more peace and confidence about what I am truly meant for in this world. P.S. Your daughter’s smile and sparkle in her eye is absolutely precious. With a mother like you guiding the way, she is destined for great things.

    1. Thank you so much for engaging with my story, it makes me feel validated to hear you resonate so much with the same trials and tribulations! Cheers to that peace we get to feel today xoxo!

  2. Absolutely love this girl!! Revently I had a close encounter with my “younger years” dreams and ambitions and I realized how far I am from that awesome 20 something girl I was… and the 40 something I thought back then I will be.. Sooo dear Mari, you are completely right! Listen to your gut! Dream! Set boundaries! Cut ties with negativity! And overall live the life you always wanted to live!

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