The Men Respond: Soulmates and Love Interests

Late last year the squad from “The Women Respond” took to answering questions on soul-mates, being in love and of course, forfeiting that love. YES, they answered the questions first, so the men could respond… and boy did they respond. Check out what Eric, Rudny, Greg and Anwar had to say in response to the ladies of this series! #theswitchup

[ Click Here to read the women’s answers to the below questions ]

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Brittany, Chele and Vanessa all seemed to have a different view on the idea of soul-mates. Brittany and Chele both agreed that they exist, but Brittany stated that she doesn’t believe we eventually end up with them. Vanessa on the other hand believed it was simply an idea. Which of these ladies do you think has the idea of soul-mates correct? Do you believe in that one perfect person for you?

Eric: I most certainly agree with Brittany and Chele, we all have soul-mates who are quite perfect for us. Exactly one. Two if you were an idiot the 1^st time, but the laws that be grace you with pity.

Rudny: The idea that there is ONE person that will be a perfect match for you is a belief I never had. Often we think soulmates have all the attributes that are in our “want” list. I believe like most things in life a healthy relationship requires maintenance. Not to say anybody will work but I feel like it is best to find a person that ACTUALLY works with the person you are vs who THINK you want. Maybe that’s why friends often become lovers because they have an understanding based on time.

Anwar: Hmm… Soul-mates? Simple question; complicated answer. Here is my theory:

I think the person we eventually end up spending our lives with is a function of several different circumstances that vary from everything surrounding our location, family values, tradition, and life experiences to the socio-economic strata that we are born into. The experiences we have in our lives, and more importantly the impact those experiences have on us and the lessons we learn from those experiences, shape us into the people we are and will one day become.

As a result, I think finding a soul-mate is when you find someone that is developing and growing on a similar wavelength that you are. This does not mean that you are at the same place in life; we all have different starting points, but it does mean that, although there may be stark differences, the two complement each other on a core integral level. Once this “click” is discovered, the work to build and maintain a relationship around it begins.

As for who is right, I can’t say that any of them are necessarily wrong or right; I don’t even know if I am right. The only thing I can say is that relationships are multifaceted and we all have our own truths.

Greg: My thoughts on soul-mates mostly align with Vanessa and Brittany. I agree that there are many interpretations on what a soulmate actually is; and 100% of them are romantic. I don’t mean the first definition off Google: “conducive to or characterized by the expression of love.” I mean the second: “of, characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality.” I like to think of myself as a rational person. When I try to resolve the notion of a single soulmate I have a hard time rationalizing it. It’s just a lot of convenience in my opinion i.e. fate, destiny, God.

Along the lines of what Brittany was saying, I believe more in poly-mates (just made that up now), where you have multiple people that you come across in your life who fit your needs, wants, and desires at that point.

Do you believe falling in love is fate, as Brittany put it? Or is love as a whole a choice, a decision?

Eric: Love is a decision. The more you choose to exercise it towards the appropriate curator, the clearer that reality becomes to you.

Rudny: I believe it might be fate but not in the way most people view it. “Fate” can lead you to something good or bad in my definition. For example I’ve learned that the more I seek to understand where my interest/passions lie the more I feel like I’m finding what it is. Did fate bring me there or was it because I was actively searching. All in the way you frame it.

Anwar: I’d say, more than likely, it’s a combination of the two; fate and choice. To me things in life and nature seem to run a course of sorts, which is usually governed by some form of timing. I think the same holds true for love. There is in fact a timing component to it; but the prerequisite is that you must allow yourself to be open to love. Once you are open to the idea of love, I think, as with most things we open ourselves up to, the opportunity will present itself. From this point forward it will be up to the individuals, if they choose, to develop love from a small culture into its own being.

Greg: If I understand Brittany correctly, she was saying falling in love at least once is unavoidable, not necessarily who you fall in love with is preordained. And that I can absolutely agree with. I don’t think you can help who you love. But you can definitely help how you act on it. She nailed it on the head. Chele and Vanessa both made some other good points.

Do you believe in wrong timing for love? Have you ever given up love because the timing wasn’t ideal?

Eric: I don’t believe in bad timing, I do believe in bad decisions, and often you’ll find yourself with someone who you believe is the right person at the wrong time, making persistent and repeated bad decisions. It’s up to you as an individual to figure out how wrong this type of person is for you, and to be with what you deserve, which is someone who doesn’t make excuses and keeps you as a top priority. I’ve never given up on love because of timing. I’m a fairly patient individual, so if time is needed, time is given. Time is always given.

Rudny: I believe in timing as far as maturity and where that person is in their life. Example: A man will know he might have a good woman but not be financially stable so does want to commit because he doesn’t feel as though he can provide for her the way he wants. A woman… well she really not in love because a women will try to make it work. Believe me I’ve seen women put up with things that would make Jesus put the cross down.

Anwar: For the most part I think my answer to question 2 also applies here. Right or wrong timing is really up to the individual and when they feel ready to be open to it. Personally, I don’t think I’ve made timing an issue in the past.

Greg: Right girl, wrong time? That is absolutely a thing. I did let her go, and it was better for the both of us.

Have you ever fallen out of love with someone you were in a relationship with? Have you ever been on the receiving end?

Eric: Never been on the receiving end. I’m sure it’s awful, and I feel for anybody who has had to experience the notion of someone else no longer loving you. I’ve never fallen out of love; I’ve simply disagreed with the person she decided to evolve into. It actually had only to do with the activities/games she decided to spend her time participating in while we were together. Complicated, but not unexplainable. Regardless, no. I have never fallen out of love.

Rudny: I fell out when the person who I was dating was no longer dating me, the person I actually was. I started to realize that she was in love with the image of who she thought I should be. Do you know how hard it is to compete with the ideal man your girl has made up in her mind?!

Anwar: The honest truth is that I’m pretty much a rookie when it comes to this sort of thing. Juicy R&B- type stuff like this just doesn’t happen to me. I’m sorry; I wish I had more for you. I do think the responses the ladies gave would make for good TV though. Especially Chele’s. I’d watch.

Greg: Yes, I’ve fallen out of love and I’m sure I’ve been on the receiving end as well. But there’s such an ambiguity in the language that I want to elaborate. There’s love vs. being in love, and falling out of love vs. not loving anymore.

I’ve said this before, but to love is the willingness to sacrifice a piece of your happiness (or something else valuable: time, money, etc) for someone or something in exchange for nothing. Maybe you even feel a sense of obligation to do so. So by definition, you love your mother, significant other, kids, pets, all the same. I think it gets qualified on how much you’re willing to sacrifice and how you act on that love. When you’re not willing to sacrifice anymore, that’s when you don’t love anymore.

Being in love is just infatuation: temporary, lusty, romantic love. And I think it’s completely normal to be in a relationship and fall out of in love in that sense, fall out of the infatuation stage. I always say, the infatuation stage ends after that first real fight.

Finish the sentence:

• When I am in love:
  • Eric: I’m air.
  • Rudny: I am able to put my ego aside 85% of the time.
  • Anwar: I feel a sense of responsibility and duty.
  • Greg: I try to not act irrationally.
• When a woman is in love:
  • Eric: She’s water.
  • Rudny: She often is irrational.
  • Anwar: She is comfortable and starts to adopt some of her partner’s quirks, sayings (euphemisms/colloquialisms), and even ideas.
  • Greg: I try to put it in her butt because she’ll definitely let me. Mwuahahaha
• Love shouldn’t be:
  • Eric: Disrespectful & Disenchanting.
  • Rudny: (list of things) but sometimes it does.
  • Anwar: Forced.
  • Greg: Easy.
• The trick to love is:
  • Eric: Listening.
  • Rudny: To jump in with a parachute, fall but guide where you land.
  • Anwar: To remember that it should feel as natural as drinking water.
  • Greg:  To not think irrationally, put it in her butt, and not think it’s easy.