The Men Respond: Bonnets, The Knife, & More


This past April, the women laid down the rules one what they would and wouldn’t do for themselves and their man in terms of physical appearance. We covered everything from manis and pedis to going under the knife. Let’s hear what the guys had to say!

The post they are responding to: Women Say: Bonnets, The Knife, & More

one //  The ladies were asked if their appearance upkeep was for their partners or themselves? Brittany and Nadine stated that most of their upkeep was for them, while Vanessa and Chele expressed a certain importance of keeping their partner satisfied. Do you expect your partner to keep up their appearances for you? If yes, to what degree? How much are you willing to change in terms of physical appearance for your spouse?

Eric: I might be the worst person to ask this question, because I don’t look at physical appearances this way. No, I would not expect my partner to keep up their physical appearance for me, it should be for them. Do it for yourself, I’m simply an observer of your magnificence. (Note: I observe with my hands and tongue). Plus, if you’re my partner, I like/love you for reasons you don’t have to chase. In that same light, I don’t expect to change my physical appearance for my partner.

Kahlil: I love a woman that takes care of herself. I’m a guy that notices when a woman needs a fill-in on her nails and I appreciate a fresh mani/pedi. I expect my woman to continue to keep up the things she did when we first started dating. In terms of what I’m willing to do, I can get down with whatever. I don’t ask of anything that I won’t ask of myself.

RudnyI’m a simple man, there isn’t much upkeep I expect, just please no jungle down there. I also like curly hair so that’s a bonus but not a mandatory. For most men, I don’t think we notice the difference between good and excellent upkeep, we only notice when it is bad.

AnwarIts always nice to hear that a lady is aware that two people in a relationship reflect each other, and as such I could appreciate a lady that liked to keep up her appearances. Although, I would understand and respect if she did it for me, I wouldn’t require it nor put pressure on her about it. I think by nature I’m drawn to women who keep up their appearance on their own volition.

In terms of changing my physical appearance for my spouse, I would certainly take her opinion into consideration and understand where her suggestions are coming from. Hypothetically speaking, I would assume that her feedback is rooted in general care and concern for my well-being, so I could see myself trying to make improvements.  However, I am not sure if it would be for her, but more so as a result of her. On the same token, if she is suggesting extreme changes, I would have to take into account that she met me the way that I am now and it is unfair of her to wait until we are in a full relationship to express any major discontent; this also applies to men in relationships with women.

two // We discussed this ages ago, but it seems to be a popular discussion and maybe your thoughts on this have changed. How important is a woman’s weight in a relationship? How do you approach the situation of asking your spouse to make healthier choices?

Eric: Here comes the contradiction. Weight is not important to me, but I’m not attracted to fat women. I’m pretty straight-forward with that. In the relationship, if you want me eager to slide those panties off with no hands, keep your weight stable. With that said, I’m not attracted to a lot of things fat people do. Examples include breathing heavily after standing up, cutting people in line for food, reducing the fuel efficiency of my vehicle by being in it, and general gluttony. Along that note, eating healthy meals should be a part of your daily life. If it isn’t, I’ll gladly eat those meals with you, even prepare them. If I care about you, I’ll do my best to show my concern in a pleasant, respectful way. Fatty.

Kahlil: In most cases for me it’s less about weight and more about proportions. I love thick women, thim slick, even some BBW. But it’s all about figure. If you’re saying that said woman is out of proportion then I’d find clever ways for her to work out with me. Or if I hear her complaining about her appearance, I’d ask what she would like to change and how and go about things that way.

RudnyI think that it is important to be healthy, whether that’s being overweight or way too slim. There are a lot of complications that occur when you are not at a healthy weight. I would want my spouse to flourish, so I wouldn’t just tell her what she needs to do. I’ve got to actually support her, whether that’s helping her come up with a meal plan or going running with her to motivate her.

AnwarThe way I see it, women are physiologically designed to carry weight. Though similar, the female body is designed to work a bit differently than an man’s, so I’m not too hard nosed on a woman’s weight. Naturally, as a result of age, stress, children, etc, etc, odds are a woman’s weight will fluctuate. There is a ton of other societal forces that bring a woman’s weight into question, I’m just not going to be one of them. In terms of healthier choices, let’s do it together.

three // Are you a fan of this new trend of beat faces and long weaves? What do you consider too much?

Eric: I’m not the biggest fan of makeup… but some women look amazing with it on, and find a perfect balance. I don’t like weave, but I’ll tolerate braids. The look should be a nice replica of natural. Too much makeup is when I look at you and I do not become erect, because you look like Clown Satan. The blood is instead rushing towards my legs, as motivation to run away.

Kahlil: I don’t mind beat faces as long as your dark face doesn’t become white; I hate that. Makeup has its purpose and I appreciate what it does but I also need to see my lady bare faced. Too many cover ups! I love all kinds of hair so weaves don’t bother me, just make sure it’s sewn in right!

RudnyI prefer the natural look. When you continually wear make-up you become dependent and are depriving your skin from nutrients… or something. I don’t know the exact science, all I know is that girls who wear makeup daily often look like raccoons when they stop wearing it.

AnwarI don’t know anything about makeup and I’ve never vetted women based on make up configurations, specifications or whatever it is women do with their make up.  I had to google what a ‘beat face’ was; I thought it was some type of vegetable at first.  As long as her makeup is applied in a complimentary manner and is used to highlight her existing features, I have no issue. 

four // Every woman responded with some sort of “yes” to plastic surgery. What are your thoughts on cosmetic surgery, and are you okay with dating someone who has gone under the knife?

Eric: I wouldn’t date a woman who has had plastic/cosmetic surgery, unless it was for a medical condition. Again, if you’re chasing appearances or youth, I’m not running with you. I want you, woman, not who you wish you were.

Kahlil: I’m not against plastic surgery. I just really love things being all natural. If the surgery performed still allows the woman to look pretty natural, then I’m all for it. I don’t like things to look that obvious.

RudnyCan’t say I ever dated anyone who’s had any major work done (to my knowledge). I would rather a girl accept what God gave her but I do acknowledge other cases. For example, if her body didn’t survive pregnancy and naturally working out doesn’t help, I wouldn’t be mad if she wanted to get some work done and repair her confidence.

AnwarHmmm… I think for me it is one of those things where, if she did not tell me I would not be able to guess that she had cosmetic surgery. The quality of the work she had performed should be to a high enough standard that whatever it is that was worked on, looks like it’s actually supposed to be there naturally. I have encountered women that have mentioned wanting cosmetic surgery later on in life after they are finished having children and that doesn’t really bother me. If restoring/enhancing her appearance is going to make her feel more confident and happier, then sure, by all means, proceed. Just make sure it’s done right, the first time. 

five // With all these new requisites men have of women (big booty, tiny waist, etc), the women have made certain requests of their own. We like them lean and muscular, bearded with charisma, and of course, tall. Do you ever feel the pressure of meeting this silly standards floating through the media, as women do?

Eric: I rarely feel pressure, but especially not over superficiality. I’ll explain. My personal preferences are just that, my personal preferences. Jokes aside, I would never hold them against you. Even though we all know booty is everything (and honestly, I might draft up a thesis to prove it), I would never suggest that its presence or lack thereof is why I’m with you or not interested in you. I’ll say I love booty, a dope face, and a dope body, because I do, but also because they are really easy, simplistic things to say. To me, it’s the surface of your ocean. I’m more interested in diving. I adore dynamic, mentally-stimulating, self-aware women.

I can, for example, say I would rather discuss the typical discrepancy I find between what people say they want, what people act on, and who they end up in relationships with. How insane it is, that people emphasize saying what they want, instead of simply going out and getting it through sincere effort. To me, that’s a real, objective standard. This standard is consistent between speech, desire, and action. Combine this standard with my personality, and you get a man who never feels the pressure to conform to anything other than who he is.

Final Note: If I want a woman, I take her, and she’s mine, for whatever time limit fits the occasion. Ideally, it’s forever. I’ve never needed any of the things listed to do this, so I’m rather apathetic towards them. If not having these things is a turn off for a woman, then such is life. My glass is always half-full.

Kahlil: I’m such a dope cat. It isn’t in my DNA to have that great amazing beard. I’d like to grow one for myself lol. Lean with muscles is something I have to discipline myself to do and I feel no pressure to do so. Would it probably help me dating wise? Hell yeah! But I don’t lose sleep over it at all. I be the best me I can be, whomever digs me, I know they’ll dig me for so much more than the things aforementioned.

Rudny: I joke about this because I can’t grow a beard to save my life. Although, I have noticed girls that were making “bearded request” on social networks still gave me the eye in person. I think most girls really just want consistency, can’t count how many times girls have said a certain dude wasn’t her type but he bagged her because he kept trying.

AnwarEhh… not really, if a woman is going to like me, she’s going to like me. I don’t think a woman not liking me is necessarily a bad thing per-say, especially if it’s based of my physical attributes alone. No one is ever going to be everything for everybody. For every subset of women/men that request a certain look from a potential mate, there is a subset of women/men who prefer a totally different look from a potential mate. Also, I think, all things being equal, women seem to be a bit more forgiving, in terms of looks, when presented with quality men that have what they are looking for, but don’t exactly look like Morris Chestnut.

What are some of your dos and don’ts while in a relationship?
Are you willing to go under the knife?
Leave a comment below or tweet me your response!

A Few House Announcements
1) Anwar has returned the series, and let’s welcome newcomer Kahlil. Leave a comment and tell them to stay awhile!
2) And before you guys ask “Where is Greg?!” – Greg and Nadine, our resident MenSay-vs-WomenSay couple, welcomed a beautiful baby boy to there family last week. We’ll give them a little break.


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