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So, I Had A Bad Day

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Ever had a day where you felt defeated and beat up by the world? Where you’re attacking bs, one thing after the next? I hadn’t had one of those in awhile but Monday? I experienced the phrase, “When it rains, it pours.” I didn’t really notice I was having an off day till shit hit the fan later on during the evening.

The day began with the typical first world problems:

  • Three hours of sleep, only half of my to-do list complete for Certified 10, with a deadline of Wednesday.
  • Mid commute in an AC-less subway car, I realized I left my laptop and work badge at home.
  • Arrive to work late to be greeted by passive aggressive emails about product launches, questions that should be directed to the Helpdesk, and reminders that this is the end of our “slow” period.
  • Twitter drama… that I didn’t even know I had caused. College bullshit will always follow you, even when you have moved on.

The day proceeded to attack my good mood with more bullshit:

  • My two weeks worth of hard work and code is accidentally rewritten by the new guy.
  • I receive a slap on the wrist for professionally putting someone in their place… that may have been a VP, or whatever. Who cares.
  • Someone completely shits on my afternoon calendar.
  • Receive another painful ass bill.
  • I can’t get  ahold of my friend, anxiety level on HIGH.
  • Best Buy Geek Squad breaks my heart by telling me that Carmen [ my Canon T3i ] could be dying. (she’s all better now, though 🙂 )

… And then I got shitty news. Not a typical first world problem. Not something for me to be playfully dramatic about. Not something I could easily table till later. But fucking bad news. I’m talking I almost fell into the train tracks bad news. It took me awhile to wrap my head around everything. I took myself home, sat on the couch in my bedroom and just thought. And in the midst of spending my evening in solitude trying to figure out the next steps, I realized that this time last year something similar had happened. The news wasn’t nearly as bad as Monday’s, but it did cripple me financially for a few months.

But I didn’t think, “Why me?” which I’m not going to lie… was my favorite question to ask. I’d deepen the wounds by playing victim for a few days, and then pick myself up and sadly find a solution. Even after finding a solution, my negativity wouldn’t allow me to enjoy the peace the solution brought. I’d just sit and anticipate something else of  a terrible magnitude to happen. Unknowingly, inviting it into my space. And it would come.

Monday was different. The first aim was to get over the shock. You can not make a logical plan in the depths of emotions. Sorry, you just can’t. The second step was to write it out. Yes, write out my thoughts until the events of the evening made sense. Take the thoughts from my mind and let them live and expand elsewhere. Third step, to laugh about the day. Something about laughing about the bullshit that tests you, minimizes it. Because the truth is, you’re not the first person to experience a bad day or life changing news and you certainly will not be the last. I know this is kind of assholish, but it’s realistic. You need to remember someone else out there has it worse than you. The fact that I have options, the fact I live in the US where I am fortunate enough to receive the best of the best, and the fact that I can afford to live comfortably, keeps me from complaining. 98.8% of the time.

My bad day was a lesson that life is indeed short, and can become even more short if you dwell on the darts thrown at you. For the first time in years, with a problem of this magnitude, I didn’t dwell. I tackled it the next day, and will continue tackling it until it’s no longer  on the radar. Sometimes you need to take control of what you can: yourself. Your thoughts, your reactions, your next steps.

 

 

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