Originally written for dearqueens.com
“I love that you can be so honest about struggles that everyone deals with.
Self-love is one of the hardest things. I struggle with it day to day and i do just like you,
i’m self-affirming and i walk the confident walk hoping it pays off.
It has everyone else convinced but me lol.
Love the [new] site design, definitely a new energy about it.”
— a. Chigozie 10/17/2011
I found it on the internet, buried within the comment section of a rant that highlighted my lack of self-confidence and my continued battle with Imposter Syndrome. It was subtle yet affirming, and to be honest, it went slightly over-looked. My dwellings on the internet was simply a space for me to unravel without the people I knew in real life catching a glimpse of my vulnerability. But that comment was just the beginning of something very permanent. Something worthwhile. Something that would save me from myself on numerous occasions. Something that I learned every [black] woman should treasure, for there in it lies a type of superpower even Marvel cannot deny. It’s sisterhood. And I found it on the internet.
“Happy belated birthday!!! Sometimes i feel like you’re my distant
sister from another mister. I put together a 24 before 24 list two weeks ago,
and it shares a lot of your items lol. But i have 6 months to get through it.
i’m always inspired after reading your blog”
— a. Chigozie 10/17/2011
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve found sisterhoods long before this. My best-friend and I’s friendship was built through the struggles of a tightly-packed dorm room, followed by our misadventures into a shitty apartment underneath a crack house and God knows what else we probably will not tell our kids. But my friendship with Akudo was built through the comment sections of our blogs and has been maintained through texts and whole a lot of FaceTime sessions.
Our friendship was never a fleeting love affair based on likes and blogging popularity we’ve all often experienced in this creative world. It wasn’t just for the time being of our new (and lonely) adult lives. It was never in danger of jealousy or competitive actions.
Our sisterhood was sisterhood. It was and still is pure.
It was us making sense of what life after college should be like. Us figuring out this creatives thing, and how to balance it with our 9-5’s. It was us, her belonging to the Igbo tribe, and me that of the Yorubas, finally having someone to understand what it’s like to grow up as the oldest daughter in a Nigerian home. We’ve fumbled though dating adventures together and even had a challenge to randomly strike up conversations with strangers. Our friendship consisted of her being available to Facetime while I’m having a breakdown during the middle of the work day, and me, who doesn’t identify with any religion, on my hands and knees in my bedroom asking God and the universe to keep giving her the strength.
Our relationship consists of 8 hard years of extreme growth, but with our interactions and intentions remaining consistent throughout it all. Something I’m quite proud of, yet often find myself in awe thinking about. Our relationship has taught me that the key to a healthy and deliberate friendship is to be honest at all times. It didn’t take me long to become comfortable with Akudo, and let her in, and because of that we were able to uncover how similar we were in our ongoing battles and struggles.
It also taught me that mindful maintenance isn’t hard work when the end product is so damn worth it. We don’t speak as often as we used to, but we both make time during our busy schedules to make sure we don’t miss our monthly FaceTime sessions. It’s our check-in. Our reset. Our way of making sure each other is good, and our reminder that this friendship exists for a reason. And lastly, it has taught me that I matter. One should never depend on the outside world to reassure their existence, but when your constantly reaffirmed with love and care from a bond that came into your life by way of a WordPress blog comment, it’s hard to ever question it. Ever.
Look what sisterhood can do.2