Dear People-Pleasing Eiryn – We Gotta Talk

* Written by Eiryn Hernandez for YettiSays 8th Annual Self-Love Month | “Shedding Layers” Post Series

I know.

I can already see it.

Just hearing those words has your heart racing and your mind going through so many different scenarios, trying to get ahead of the conversation already. For a long time you’ve confused your desire to help people and be a kind human with having to say yes to things you didn’t want to do, avoiding conflict, and just simply putting everyone’s needs and wants above yours. But it’s time you finally called it for what it is so we can end this in peace.

For a long time, you didn’t consider yourself a people pleaser. You’re not necessarily the most agreeable person. You have very strong opinions which are sometimes unpopular and you gladly share them. You ruffle some feathers because you have a big personality. But people-pleasing shows up in many different ways, and yours shows up the most by way of avoiding conflict at all costs. You’ll do whatever you can to not disappoint anyone.

As with everything, this pattern has so much underneath it. It can be traced back to your childhood. There was so much going on in your household, the last thing you wanted to do was add any more “trouble” to it. So you took on the role of the “good one” that tried to make everyone happy. Also, the way you witnessed conflict being handled — or more accurately NOT handled — is a huge part of why you now avoid it, even if it’s eating you up inside.

In the last year, I was constantly forced to face conflicts more than I ever have before and I understand that I will continue to face more, especially while running my own business. In these moments of conflict, you’ve shown up there every single time trying to people please your way out of them. But we can’t continue this way.

Letting you go is probably some of the most important work I can do for myself and my business.

I hold so much grace for you. You did the best you could and you kept me safe to a certain extent, but we are no longer living in survival mode. We are stepping into a fully lived life, full of abundance, confidence, healing, authenticity, and peace. Holding on to you is a disservice to my highest self. And so with this I wholeheartedly decide to let you, my people-pleasing identity, go.

Eiryn Hernandez, Founder + Head Trainer, Toned With Eiryn
Find out more about the Toned W/ Eiryn Retreat taking place this March 2022 in the Dominican Republic!


One Comment

  1. This letter resonated too much for me. I started releasing my people pleasing identity in 2021. There is no feeling like the freedom that comes with putting yourself first. Sending love!

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