Say No To Situationships


Mondays are reserved for positivity. I set the tone for the week. I choose a new positive affirmation to chant. I do the whole “smile more” thing.

And then I dedicate an hour of my evening to Ratchet T.V.

Yes, I watch Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, and this monday’s episode provided more than just the typical terribly scripted t.v. and laughs from my twitter timeline. This Monday night’s episode highlighted something that I think is a common theme for all the many different locations and seasons that Love and Hip Hop has to offer.

The Theme? Women constantly settling for situationships.

A situationship is that murky grey area between a friendship and a committed relationship. It’s the “I’ll fuck you for now” stage. It’s Olivia Pope and Fitz without the romantic tendencies and the passionate sex in a dimly lit cabin in Vermont. It’s the “I can’t be with you right now, but I want all that benefits of a spouse without the title, ya dig?” nonsense. It’s a Nicholas Sparks movie with a Tyler Perry movie ending.

Yes. A Situationship.

I don’t think I know a woman that hasn’t experienced a situationship. And if you haven’t? Well… it’s coming. Just kidding. No but really, consider yourself lucky. Learn from our mistakes.

[Tweet “Because let’s just face it, being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world.”]

They start off simple as most interactions do. Both parties still on the same playing field.  Then comes the excessive texting, or the extreme sexual chemistry, or the excessive flirting. You know, all bullshit reasons for you to piece together that you’re meant to be. Then you’ll notice the inconsistency, the lack of discussions of where your “relationship” is heading. Or you may even have this conversation and choose to ignore it, because you’re ever so sure Lovebug will change his fickle mind. Before you know it, you find yourself teetering around unset boundaries, feeling unappreciated and used, clutching onto mixed messages you’ve forced into something they’re just not.

This is just one of many examples.

I often want to blame these circumstances on the way we’re made. Blame it on the fact that we’re emotional creatures that thrive off of love, attention, and belonging to that one special person. Because let’s just face it, being in love, or sometimes in like, is one of the greatest feelings in the world. But it’s not true for all. I thrive off of accomplishing goals. And I’ve certainly experienced a level of happiness without having a man in my life. I understand it’s nice to have someone there, but when you’re falling down the rabbit hole of something that will never be, something that is sexually driven, something that is most likely one-sided, the repercussions can prove to be lethal to your sense of self… not to mention God knows what you may do to him.

We don’t enter into these foolish circumstances knowing they’ll end up in disaster and with wishes of the other party falling into the train tracks. We don’t. But at some point, sooner or later, we decide whether it’s worth settling for something that is incomplete, emotionally draining, and potentially a waste of time.  We decide whether we want to continue to share this poorly made slab of man, witnessing others take a bite of something you believe to be yours. We decide whether we want to keep the puzzle haphazardly mashed together, rather than embark on finding that perfect fit. We decide if simply scraps are enough to nourish us, versus the full blown meal.

[Tweet “I don’t want fragments of love. I want it all. 100%. And so should you.”]

I’m not one for solving puzzles, but I truly do bask in the feeling of placing that one last puzzle piece in it’s place. I’m no nutritionist, but I am an ex-fat kid, and excuse me for being a little greedy, but fuck it. I want the whole damn meal. I don’t want to feel hungry later on. I want to feel after-thanksgiving-unbutton-my-jeans-stuffed/satisfied with something that meets all my cravings and nutritional needs. I don’t want to be in limbo. I don’t want to be filed in the “fuck buddy” cabinet. I don’t want fragments of love or like. I want it all. 100%. And so should you.



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  1. I totally agree that a relationship is not a one way street. It’s either be with me or leave me be. No committed driven should waste time on a man that still has his options open.

  2. I totally agree with you. I made a “You want me, earn me” speech once last year, and now I’m happily in my relationship. Even if it didn’t end up as such, I’d still be happy knowing that I put my foot down and stuck up for myself and my heart. It is SO important to want the “whole damn meal” and STAY hungry too. Nicholas Sparks + Tyler Perry tho *cryinggg*!!

    Love this!

    xo, Dezzie

  3. Girl! I just had to step away from a potential situationship!

    I just had this conversation with a coworker as well. What happens when one person more involved? That shit is damaging.

    I love myself toooooo much. I’ll wait.

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