Reader Question: Insecurities, Social Anxiety & Choosing Happiness

Yetti,

Ever since I came across your blog on Fromawildflower, I became a fan ever since. Like from a previous post you did, I too suffer from social anxiety and negative thinking. I’ve kept myself in a shell for a while. Allowing my life to pass me by. Half of it has to do with insecurity. The other half has to do with caring what other people think. Seeing how successful you are both emotionally and socially it really inspired me to also try to be my true self. I was wondering, what advice or tips do you have for someone who wants to find happiness and purpose in life.

Hope to hear from you and thank you

Sincerely, Tationa

Tationa,

I’m flattered you think I am emotionally successful, there are quite a few people out there that would disagree. This is actually something I have been crucified for, for the past few years. It’s also one of those things people have exaggerated and molded into flaw as a way to pinpoint something negative against me. You’re probably wondering why I’m paying so much detail to the emotional comment, and it’s because it was something I was really insecure about. It’s something I have learned to turn into a positive. It’s something that has given me a way to connect with others, and my passion and purpose? They’re somewhat built upon it.

I accepted this ~~flaw~~ characteristic. I now love that I am compassionate.

I think the greatest tip I can give you is this: You have to do your very best to fall in love with you. It took me years to figure out how to do this, and I probably own every self help book on this topic. I took the quote, “If you don’t like something, change it” to a whole different level, and my idea of falling in love with me consisted of trying to change all of the flaws other people tagged upon me. I wanted to be acceptable to the world and the people I surrounded myself with. It didn’t work. But you know what did?

Learning to accept myself.

Our insecurities come from the things we can’t accept about ourselves. It’s what causes our social anxiety. It’s caring about what others think about the things we’re self-conscious about. Since we’re on the fence about them, it’s so easy for us to allow other people’s opinions to bully us into a state of worry or panic. It’s so easy for our imaginations to completely face the direction of negativity. When we accept ourselves, these tendencies begin to fade. When love who we are, happiness thrives. When we have a clear understanding of the person we are, we’re able to figure out what we’re passionate about, without the influence of others.

[Tweet “You have to do your very best to fall in love with you. – Yetti”]

Falling in love with the being that you are is certainly not easy, and it’s not always peachy keen. You’ll still have moments where you are hard on yourself. It’s normal. The easy part is making the decision to choose to be good to you. Choose happiness. You make decisions everyday that are to better yourself. You choose to get an education. You choose to provide yourself with nourishment. Tationa, choose to relieve your mind. Choose your mental being. Choose to not allow life to pass you by. Choose a positive thought over a negative one. Choose to stand in the mirror and compliment your flaws, instead of beating yourself up. Choose to take one step against the anxiety and go to that event you’ve been avoiding (and I know you have one lol). Choose you.

Because everyday we decide to watch life from the outskirts, we only do ourselves a disservice. We feed the thought that we are not enough. And I know how hard it is to make that leap into being social and being okay with yourself as you do so, but you have to start somewhere. So start with happiness and taming your insecurities.

All the things about you that are self-destructive and unhealthy? Trash them. The other things you hate about yourself, Tationa? Learn to like them. Learn to love them. And then when you master that, learn to own them. Spin them into characteristics that serve you.

Your negative thinking? For every negative thought, think a positive one. If that doesn’t work, literally tell yourself “Stop” within your mind. Halt the thought before it’s roots sink in.
Heading to a social event? Stay in the present moment. Don’t dwell on the things that can go wrong, simply focus on the present time, because most of the time, our mind is a dirty little liar that creates horror scenes that will not happen.
Can’t find your happy place? Meditation does wonders. Watching funny videos does too. You know the things you like to do when no one is watching? When no one is influencing you? Do them. Do them as often as you can. Oh, and all the people that suck the joy from you? Get rid of them. ASAP.
The insecurities? Affirmations, affirmations, and more affirmations. Speak beauty and happiness into your day.
For anything I’m missing or you want to delve into this more? You know where to find me.

I’m still working on all of this myself, and sometimes I fail at pushing through, so I’ll do this all with you, Tationa. We’ll make a list of all the social bullshit that freaks us out and we’ll tackle them together. We can both choose happiness.

I will, if you will.