Yetti, I wish you could see what I see. I think you’re absolutely stunning – Augustina
10/07/2011, I had dinner with my mentor from college, my tell it how it is friend Augustina. We laughed and gossiped through quite the unhealthy meal, and then got serious as I described the details of what had been going on lately. She sympathized with me, let me know I wasn’t crazy and that it was okay to feel the way I do about the many troubles of my life. She gave me great advice, made me feel at ease with myself and then lastly showered me with compliments. Above is a quote of one of her compliments, one I can’t seem to shake.
As sweetly as I smiled and graciously thanked her for her compliment, I didn’t believe her. Not on bit. You see, I’ve never associated myself with the word “Beautiful”. Why? Because it’s just not me. I don’t stop traffic, my body isn’t too hot and men don’t stop to admire me… unless they want sex from me. I feel uneasy when people use that word to describe me simply because I feel I am undeserving of it. Do I hate what I look like? No, not exactly. I think I am average looking, not ugly, not drop dead gorgeous, but average. But lately since the break up, the little self-confidence I had in my appearance and my worth has been stripped away.
Now some of you are thinking, “But Yetti, you always speak so highly of yourself!” You’re right, I do… in hopes that I’ll believe it and some days I do. The other days… that’s what I need to work on. I’m an extremely determined and head strong individual, when I want something I usually go for it, but this issue with my lack of love for myself fucks with my self serenity, toys with my emotions and ultimately causes me to fail at goals. It throws me into a state of destructive behavior, something I have a long history with, and something I want to completely put in the past.
This brings me to this weeks post-series: I <3 Me. It features 4 beautiful young ladies that were willing to share their love for themselves with me. I hope these women not only inspire me, but inspire you guys too! I admire their confidence in willing to take part in such an interview!
Before I let you go though, tell me: What do you love you about yourself and why?