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Men Say: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

MENWOMENSAYSsex

I guess this would fall under the part of my bio where I stated that I’d be providing the uncensored truth. This round of questions are all about sex (Sorry Mummy and Mama Ellen!). You asked, they answered. This post is a little long so grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine  and check out what the men had to say about certain hot topics of the average twenty-something-yr-old’s sex life!

Quick Tidbits:

  • You’re casually dating multiple women. Condoms or no condoms?
    • Anwar: Safety First. Always Strap UP.
    • Greg: Condoms are wack and I’m a savage so I avoid them when I can.
    • Eric: Condoms.
    • Rudny: Condoms
  • Do you think women are capable of having sex with no emotions?
    • Anwar: Is it possible, yes… but is it probable, no
    • Greg: Generally, no, I don’t think most women can separate sex and feelings, but there is the small population who can.
    • Eric: No. Most men aren’t either. They are usually pretending.
    • Rudny: No, but two types of women can come close to it: Women that have been constantly hurt (they repress) and women that care more about their goals (they conquest).
  • Does “blue-balls” really exist?
    • Anwar: I’ve heard this in rap songs, but aside from that I’ve only heard of this.
    • Greg: I never thought blue balls existed until I experienced this pain one night after being fondled and handled with no climax. My fun beans definitely hurt :-(.
    • Eric: I have no idea. However, I do sometimes get uncontrollable erections that do not go away unless they are dealt with.
    • Rudny: As in turn blue? No. It’s really annoying to start and not finish though.
  • Foreplay, yay or nay?
    • Anwar: If you like her, yea. #saygrace (lol I kid, I kid) #yg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQx9NyHNAl4
    • Greg: Foreplay is dope, but there are definitely times when a quickie is more fitting so I’d say yay on some occasions and nay on others.
    • Eric: An Emphatic Yay.
    • Rudny: Always
  • Sex 3 times a week? Or Less?
    • Anwar: Seems fair. I remember I saw on Dr. Oz some old lady was talmbout 5-6 times a week… I was like Daaaaammmn; but she was retired though… she got time.
    • Greg: I’m guessing the assumption here is with a girlfriend, but I’m always down for some coitus so 3 times a week isn’t a problem for me. However, I could see how that may be a lot for some people or for some situations.
    • Eric: More. Several Orders of Magnitude more, especially if we live together. A little tougher when we don’t.
    • Rudny: Not less.
  • What are 4 things women do that are turn-offs during sex:
    • Anwar:  1. Being Lazy / 2. Being too self conscious (nobody is perfect) / 3. Unwilling to pamper the swipe / 4. Being too coy.
    • Greg: 1. Moaning excessively loud / 2. Not arching your back when getting it from the back AKA “cat back” / 3. Being scared of or disgusted by ejaculation / 4. Laying there and not putting in effort.
    • Eric:  1. Stopping / 2. Excessive Self-Consciousness / 3. Being Selfish / 4. Carelessness.
    • Rudny: 1. Excessive talking / 2. Saying no when you really mean yes / 3. Being afraid to at least try new things / 4. Excessive talking

This seems to be quite the popular topic on twitter, but what is the big deal about knowing the number of men your future girlfriend has slept with? Does her “body-count” truly matter? Please explain why or why not.

Anwar: Personally, I don’t place a big emphasis on the number itself. Generally, I wait until the lady brings it up (because she WILL, when she starts asking about your relationship history and other vital signs #takingyourtemperature) before I ask her. To me the number itself is a rough indication of the depth and breath of men that she has dealt with. This could then lend a vague idea, as to the experiences she may or may not have had in and out of the bedroom; but it is also important to take into account the age of the woman when considering the number. At the end of the day, the number itself is a small part of the pie, but within the context of the larger picture that makes up a woman, can explain a lot about her. Evaluating it on its own is fairly useless.

GregTo me, it does. I argue that body count, specifically on a woman, is a reflection of her morality in some sense. Wherever you get your morals from, religion, some deep-rooted philosophies of yours, etc, doesn’t really matter to me. What they are completely does. And sexual activity reflects your morals. I understand that not everyone thinks this way and maybe they believe sexual activity has nothing to do with morals, but if I’m looking to spend the rest of my life with someone, I’m going to want them to have the same morals as me.

Eric: The amount of people you have had sex with is directly proportional to your ability to learn from your experiences. It matters to me a great deal. Not to the extent that I will hold it against you, but it is relevant. If you aren’t able to speak on your sexual partners beyond referring to them as “flings”, we have a problem. My explanation is simple. You’re replaceable, and there are a lot of people like you out there, especially as I get older.

Rudny: I would be lying if I said that a woman’s body count does not count at all. To me it’s how lenders evaluate people with bad credit. Think it’s better to take everything case by case. You will find those that made a few bad decisions and found themselves in the red but managed to work their way back into good standing. Then you have those that have a bunch of bad marks on their report, and they don’t even try to fix it. They just pile on more debt and negative marks against their credit. It gets to a point where you can’t even think to wife her. Her debt becomes yours and people will judge you for it when you’re trying to make a happy home together.

How long after the first date are you expecting to have sex? Do you lose respect for the woman if she allows for sex on the first date?

Anwar: I try not place expectations on a woman. Instead, I have come to the conclusion that women want it just as much, if not more, than guys do. Especially if they find someone who does a good job- they can hardly contain themselves. Based on this, I have learned to be honest with myself to the point where I can get an idea of how interested she is after the first date and providing the vibe is right, after a few more successive interactions, #chessmoves, her justifiable defenses typically subside. I don’t lose respect for a woman for propositioning on the first date, “that just lets me know… she know what she want outta life.” [ lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALlgfbeVhtM #icecold #themorningafter #outkast #thelovebelow ] But on the same token, after the first date isn’t really my steez (M.O). I like to take time to let the momentum build.

Greg: I do believe there are instances, one in particular, where I expect sex. Acceptance of this invitation implies you understand what I want. What instance do you speak of, Greg? I’m glad you asked. Staying the night. We had a great first date, maybe even a second or third. If I invite you over to stay the night, I don’t do it because I want my penis rubbing up against your crack all night. I want your walls. And I expect you to understand that accepting such an invitation means you know that I know that you know that there is a possibility that intercourse may happen, and I’m banking on it.

As far as getting the guts quickly and whether I’d lose respect, I don’t think I would. If I’m friends or even had known this person for a while, we go on a date, and I get the vag, I don’t think I’d feel different towards or about her. Plus, I’m a sexy beast so I get it. If I barely know the person, like they just entered my life, and she let me smash, but the chemistry is crazy and we we’re vibing, I don’t think I’d feel differently then either. Given all the other occasions I can think of, I most likely would not even try to have sex.

Eric: I’ll wait for as long as you are willing to. I do not lose any respect if we have sex earlier than later. I only lose respect if it becomes apparent that the woman does not understand what choices are.

Rudny: On the very first date without even having much conversation beforehand, yes, maybe. I do feel that we are grown though, and if you feel some type of connection and YOU want to, I don’t see the problem. Her actions are more telling if she’s a hoe or not, sometimes you just meet her at the right time, right place.

Are you willing to forgo the “90-day wait rule” for sex with a woman you’re interested in?

Anwar: Men actually use the “90-day wait rule”? I thought that was just a ploy to increase book sales, that women really ate up. I’d say by 90 days the woman and I would be pretty good friends, and I’m if I am a friend, I may not want to change that; especially if there are other women that don’t apply the rule. I’m not a big believer in working to get out of the ‘friend zone’, but that’s another story.

Greg: I assume whoever asked this question meant forgo sex and accept the rule, not actually forgo the rule. I’ll just honestly put it like this: I’ll wait for you if I’m interested, but I’m not putting my entire sex-life on pause. We can go on dates, talk, and hangout, but I’m not going to be sexually exclusive with someone who’s not giving me sex. That’s like only being allowed to go to one of your favorite restaurants but not be served the food. That doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t mind not having sex with you for 90 days, but demanding me to be celibate for 90 days is unfair. You’re basically asking me to commit to you before we even start to get to know each other. If a woman I’m interested in demanded that, I’d probably lose interest. I’m a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. Just do whatever feels right at the time.

Eric: I usually prefer to wait, as I do not enjoy having sex with people I do not care about, regardless of how stunning they are. I don’t think a number is appropriate, though. For women, I feel a number represents a “waiting period”. As for myself, I know if I would have a sexual experience with a woman within our first conversation.

Rudny: The idea of a 90 day rule is just a ridiculous concept. It’s saying to me that you do not want to seem like a hoe by giving it up too quickly. In my experience, I find that girls that make me wait for a predetermined amount of time tend to be the hoes.

How does the average guy deal with women who are still virgins or lack experience (low body count)?

Anwar: Women with less experience tend to require a bit more patience and tact. Depending on where a the guy is in his life, this may be a good thing or a bad thing. If the guy is in the process of “sewing his royal oats”, this can be bad and can end up scarring a woman emotionally; which just leaves a scorned woman for the next man to deal with. However, if the guy is a bit older and is ready to settle down, he may have just lucked up on a keeper. Generally women who are less experienced are that way by design and favor longer more secure relationships. Unfortunately, the other schools of thought that make up the woman collective in the dating market don’t reward this type of behavior. #itsacoldgame

Greg: The average guy should deal with virgins carefully. The emotional attachment a post-virgin woman feels towards their first can be quite strong. Lack of experience has little consequence in the long run because everyone you interact with sexually will be different in some way. Sure, you may pick up a few tricks along the way, but not everyone is turned on and off by the same things. Every new encounter is a new experience. Regardless, open communication, trust, and security are the most important things when discovering each other. So in the meanwhile, for the less experienced (and the more coy), you want to foster an environment where those things exist. This will be the type of environment where she’ll be willing to do what SHE’S comfortable with — not with what you think she should be.

Eric: I say with patience and understanding. It’s similar to playing your favorite video game from Stage 1. You know it’s about to get recklessly fantastic, but you have to mull through a few awkward/dull moments at the beginning of the interaction. For myself, great sexual experiences are about the linear chemistry between two people, not the past performances.

Rudny: I think it’s best to really take your time and be patient. It can be fun if she’s at least willing to try a few things. You can introduce her to a lot of new things.

What about women who have been sexually abused / assaulted. Is this a turn off? How do you go about sexy time?

Anwar: I wouldn’t say its a turn off; I do tend to feel bad about it though. It was not her fault that someone sought to take advantage of her. I will say however, that it does mean that you have to tread carefully with her. Depending on the severity, frequency and type of abuse, things that may have been normal or of little significance to with other women, can trigger bad memories for her specifically. In terms of negotiating this, to me the best move is to go slowly and pay close attention to her and her nonverbal communication. This too, can require much care.

Greg: I think you handle this case the same way as question 5. Go at their own pace, don’t force it, and understand it might take a while for them to open up sexually.

Eric: There should be no such thing as sexually abused women, but unfortunately, there are two genders which would have to execute on this idea. It isn’t a turn-off, but there will clearly need to be some difficult conversations. It’s better to have them sooner than later. As far as sexy time (What the hell, Yetti?) is concerned, it has always been my utmost priority that the woman is comfortable and receptive. Sexually abused people require a more delicate approach to make them comfortable with sex.

Rudny: Never had relations with someone who went through something like this, but if I did would approach everything with respect. I think that effective communication would play a big role in making it work.

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10 Comments

  1. Okay, so I loved this post! Why is it so weird to talk about this stuff when I’m sure we’re all thinking it. I appreciated the honesty in all of the responses, especially some of the tougher ones towards the end.

  2. So ummm…. what is “Pamper the swipe”? Am I the only one who has no clue?

    Loved this…I was chuckling to myself at my desk.

    1. i need to know what pamper the swipe is too LOL! also, i feel like i need to see their faces when i read these responses. great responses though

  3. This was a much needed discussion. I think that there are misconceptions and miscommunications between men and women in regards to sex. Though a small sample size, this provided readers (both men and women) with the insight of what men think. I would have been interested in knowing what men think about double standards, especially in regard to the body count of the man. A lot of the focus is put on the woman’s body count but what tends to be lost is the man. Great post either way!

  4. Pingback: Yetti Talks Sex

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