Men Say: The Holiday Season Edition!
I didn’t want the entire year to go by without another dosage of our Men Say vs Women Say series, so here is one more for 2016! Hope you all enjoy your Holiday Season, and I will see you for the “New Year, New Me” post. Kidding!!!!
Get to know the men:
- Greg: Single on the internet, married in real life
- Kahlil: Single
- Eric: Side chicks
- Rudny: In a Relationship
Tis the season to be:
- Greg: Pregnant
- Kahlil: Employed
- Eric: Single with side chicks. Also, loving (but not the side chicks)
- Rudny: Broke
One thing you want for Christmas?:
- Greg: It’s between sleep and peace
- Kahlil: A Playstation 4
- Eric: Bae
- Rudny: Plane tickets with accommodations to an island
Ideal way of celebrating New Year’s Eve:
- Greg: Giving my pillow mad head
- Kahlil: To be around good high character folks, loved ones
- Eric: With people I love
- Rudny: With the ones closest to you
ONE // Dating in the midst of the holiday season can be quite stressful to some. When do you think is an appropriate time to invite your significant home for the holidays (or vice versa?)
Greg: Well, you don’t have to deal with this if you strategically break up with them before the holiday season ??????. Plus it’s way harder to make moves with ole faithful who lives near your house when you have a s/o cramping ya steez yamean.
I think the best way to answer “When is an appropriate time?” is to use “When are some inappropriate times?” as a guide eg you haven’t even told your parents about s/o, your ex still gets invited over (because your mom and them still speak for some weird reason), your family is just a fucking mess and you’re not ready to deal with your s/o meeting them yet, etc. If you can strike things like that out, it’s the perfect time!
Kahlil: I’m funny about when folks meet someone that I’m seeing. For starters I won’t introduce someone to the person I’m dating until the person I am dating and myself have sex. It might sound silly, but I think how folks interact after having had sex is just a little different. Having seen each other in that light I think adds to the bond that will exude to others as they see you all interact. So if we have had sex already and it’s been at least 2-3 months with great chemistry, I’d bring someone by.
Eric: Y’all know how I feel about dating, but let’s say I don’t. Let’s say I thoroughly enjoy dating and meeting random, great-looking people for life interviews is the greatest invention of humanity (#Breaking: It isn’t). I would recommend at least 3 months of time into dating (or talking, whatever you people call it to justify your actions) before you bring love interests around family for Christmas. Everyone celebrates the holidays differently, some families have hardwired traditions and cadences, and it’s important to know how comfortable your love interest is in different holiday settings. Otherwise, you’ll get the wrong impression of them in the wrong environment. For me, anytime is fine, as long as you don’t mind my silence around certain people or situations.
Rudny: Whenever you feel is appropriate to be honest. Some people bring anyone they’ve dated or talked to home and their parents might understand that. I personally wait until I feel a little more confident in a future with that person.
TWO // And gifts? Is there a cap on how much you are willing to spend? How do you go about buying a gift for a significant other or a potential significant other?
Greg: I’m actually not really into exchanging gifts, especially expensive ones. A friend of mine describes Christmas as the consumerism version of the Purge. You take one day to exchange gifts hoping to fill your metaphorical kindness bank with consideration artificially inspired/forced by a holiday. I’m paraphrasing but I agree to some degree. If we’re close, we’re already doing each other favors and giving/receiving gifts throughout the year.
Well, I’m not a complete Grinch. While exchange gifts isn’t important to me, to other people it is. So do participate if I have to. I like agreeing to terms of celebration; either setting limits or not exchanging gifts at all. With Baequeen, it’s the latter for Christmas. Which is dope cause I’m broke.
As far as how I buy gifts, I usually notice something she needs and ask if I should get that for her. Only drawback is there’s no surprise. So sometimes, sometimes, I also put my dick in a box.
Kahlil: I am extremely sentimental, when I start talking to someone, I’m paying close attention to their interests. It could be seen as the smallest of things, but I’ll try to incorporate her interests into a gift that I would get. There are caps on what I would spend for sure. I would spend less on a woman I haven’t known as long generally speaking. I don’t have specific caps though, it would depend on my budget at that time.
Eric: You should unquestionably spend thousands of dollars on your significant other with the hopes that it’ll improve your standing in their life, and in the relationship. If they are dating other people and you at the same time, spend tens of thousands. Relentlessly use money as a means to acquire acceptance and appreciation, while disregarding your self-worth.
I, however, like to spread out my spending on gifts for people throughout my time knowing them, and really only buy things for those I think are uniquely special. Not just to me, but objectively special. They’re special to others, special to themselves, special in the head (LOL). Conduct some research, take your time, and do your best to get something they’ll fall in love with. That way, they can repeatedly dream about you penetrating them (or being inside of you, women can gift, too!). Try to think about gifts as early as possible, and don’t procrastinate with people you care about, especially your significant other.
Rudny: Hmm, I’m a practical gift giver. If there is something that I know they need, I will go out and get it. Otherwise, I try to listen to their wants and if it seems practical I’ll get it. So no to that $300 makeup brush cleaner.
THREE // What about other holiday celebrations such as Kwanzaa? Is this a tradition you recognize or celebrate? Why or why not?
Greg: I understand and completely respect the intent of Kwanzaa. I just know it’s not for me or my family. I’m not big into tradition. And to adopt a tradition that doesn’t originate from my own ethnic culture just to have them is a no for me, dog. People wishing me Happy Kwanzaa is really the holiday greeting version of dapping me up because I’m black.
Kahlil: I used to celebrate Kwanzaa a bit more formally as a kid. As the family grew apart we no longer held our yearly ceremonies. I look back fondly on those times though. It was a good way to get the family together and keep us cognizant of our responsibility to each other and our communities. Kwanzaa is dope, my birthday is actually on the second day ,”Kujichagulia.” That day represents the principle of self-determination. I no longer formally celebrate, but i think I’ll pick it back up soon.
Eric: Kwanzaa is a joke and so is everyone who celebrates it. With that said, it is important to recognize holidays beyond Christmas. For example, Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah, and they give a gift for each day of the celebration (see why they own so much? You’ll see it one day). It’s good to expand beyond Christmas and experience some of the lesser popularized holidays and religious traditions. This is true even for Kwanzaa, which is a whole joke.
Rudny: I don’t celebrate Kwanzaa because I’m Haitian. Just not something we do.
FOUR // Let’s switch it over to New Year traditions. It’s currently “New year, new me” season on social media. Do you believe in New Year’s Resolutions?
Greg: Preface: I understand it works for some people so I can’t knock it.
I personally do not participate in making resolutions because if I have a goal that I actually wanted to achieve, I wouldn’t wait for Jan 1st to start. And setting a resolution only for the sake of tradition will be doomed from the start for me.
Kahlil: I do believe in them, however I don’t think you need to have resolutions every year. Some years are more trying than others. There are years where you accomplish so much and years where you feel that you fell short. if there is a glaring goal that you have coming into the new year I think that is prime time to set a resolution.
Eric: I believe in the idea of setting short and long term goals, absolutely, but I do not believe in the time constraints people put behind them or the importance of when they decide to set those goals. I achieve approximately 90-95% of what I set out to do in a given year, but I do not focus on time constraints or deadlines, I set accomplishment constraints. To me, the time spent accomplishing a completed goal is more important than the time spent failing a goal with an arbitrary schedule.
Also, I’m never new. I’m the same unstoppable force of greatness every year. Every once in a while I simply rest and rejuvenate.
Rudny: I do not believe in Resolutions at all. I feel like if you really want to do something or start your life on a better foot there is no time like the present to do so. Most make resolutions, but by March they are forgotten.
FIVE // If you do believe in resolutions, what’s one goal you have for yourself in the New Year? If not, what are you most excited about for the upcoming new year?
Greg: I’m most excited to finally have a conversation with Junior! This time next year he’ll be almost two and half. I have all this knowledge to pass down, I gotta start early ?.
Kahlil: I have a few goals, I’d like to obtain a job in online media doing editing and working in editorial. I also hope to move out on my own in 2017 as long as things pan out with me heading into a new industry.
Eric: I’ve been putting off building a new PC and buying a new Laptop, so my goal in 2017 is to finally pull that trigger and do these things.
Oh, and absolve the world of internalized racism. I’m sick of meeting people who hate themselves.
Rudny: I’m most excited about traveling a lot more the upcoming year. Last few years a lot of my income has gone to savings and paying down my school loan.3
I always love reading through these, though I rarely comment. I will say that in this case, I feel compelled to let Eric know that many people actually don’t give gifts at all on Hanukkah, or we donate to charity or to the community at large rather than exchanging tangible personal items. Hanukkah isn’t the Jewish Christmas; its focus is on courage, resilience, & self-preservation, not gift-giving, greed, or ownership, & so his anti-Semitism, particularly as it relates to this meaningful holiday, is not appreciated.
I love reading this and all the other posts during the year. Thanks! I am a Jamaican and Kwanzaa is not a celebration in my family and I really do not take the time to understand it. But, I love a celebration and if that is what some Americans want to be happy about, I ain’t knocking it. Happy 2017 to You & Yours!!