Hi, my name is Phenomenal Tyece and I am ranting, roaring and writing my way through life on my blog Twenties Unscripted.
So let’s get to the nitty gritty! Describe your self-esteem level. Are you a Beyonce Flawless 10? Are you struggling with your worth? Or are you a little in-between?
Because I am every woman (cue Chaka Khan), my estrogen levels play an integral role in my self-esteem. Most days, it’s great. Or at least decent. Or at least I think it’s decent. But, if it’s that 5-7 days of the month (or close to them), I can’t necessary say the same. My head has been known to spin unnecessarily if Mother Nature shows up.
I’m certainly not at a “I woke up like dis” Beyonce level. I know how much of a monstrosity I am in the morning. But, along the way, I have learned the truth in the statement “Fake it till you make it.” The world hardly ever knows the minuscule anxieties twirling through your head. I’m learning how to project confidence even when I’m freaking out inside and sweating like I stole something. So, maybe I’ve faked my way to high self-esteem?
In your own words, what does it mean to love yourself?
Can I begin by telling you just how much I hate this expression? Can we just get this out of the way? Or the phrase self-love which just strikes me as a euphemism for doing something alone that involves batteries.
But, gripe with the expression aside, I think loving yourself at its core is ongoing and unconditional acceptance of yourself, ongoing being the operative word. That includes the absolutely wonderful things about you as well as the panels of yourself of which you aren’t quite fond. Love is about embracing something in its totality.
Why did you decide to open up a blog?
I’ve been blogging for five years (via different platforms) so it’s tough to remember life without the little online spaces I’ve carved out for myself. I started blogging in 2009. I worked at the front desk of my dorm and needed something to do other than watch the episodes of Underage and Intoxicated walking through the door each shift. The reasons I blog have evolved since then. Now, I firmly believe I have a story to tell that has not been told, is not being told and may never be told if I don’t do it myself.
As a blogger, you expose a little bit of your soul with each blog post you share. Do you ever face moments where it becomes uncomfortable for you to do so? Do you find it hard to remain true to yourself when blogging? Do you hold back, avoid certain topics? If so, how do you power through it? What are some topics you will never delve into?
Exposing your soul becomes easier over time. There are definitely times when I down a glass of wine before I click “publish” on something that I know could be polarizing or controversial. But, I still click “publish.” Yes, I avoid certain topics and there are some topics I will never delve into. Two things I actively avoid writing about in detail are my day job and my sex life. Suffice it to say I have both of those things and we can keep it moving. If you don’t set your boundaries as a blogger and set them early, you will sell your soul for hits. That’s a promise.
Have you ever received a blow to your self-esteem or self-worth from a blogging experience?
Yes, I just wrote about this. Check it out here. But, the summary of that story is that even nameless strangers can strike a blow to your self-esteem, if only for a moment.
Who’s to blame for a woman’s low self-esteem: Society, her surroundings, or herself?
You know what’s not on that list? Steve Harvey.
Do we have room for a dissertation here? No? Ok, let me try to sum this up.
The short answer is all of the above; nothing listed there is less culpable for punching at a woman’s self-esteem than the others. Society and our surroundings dictate a lot; how we as women internalize and believe those dictations is up to us. Part of the issue is that it takes an insane amount of self-awareness and observation to even know how we’re internalizing those outside influences. It’s much easier to just have them piled on us without stopping to think about whether those expectations make sense for our individual lives.
What words of advice would you share with your 16-year-old self about self-esteem, self-worth, and of course, the art of blogging?
Yo, 16-year-old Tyece. Mini skirts will go out of style and you won’t date Darius Jones for the rest of your life. But, you know what you’ll always have? Writing. That’s where a good deal of your self-esteem will come from. That channel to organize, expel and seize your thoughts will be the best thing you could ever do to ensure your self-esteem does not tank, even when life throws nothing but dirt at you. Rely on it. Embrace it. Love it. It will love you right back.