Lessons From 25: The People You Overlook
When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with cries of “Me too!” be sure to cherish them because those weirdos are your tribe.
This time last year I would have been able to say that I didn’t have many friends in New York City. In fact, I had maybe three, if you count bestie who technically lives in Connecticut. If I wasn’t spending time with her, I was spending time with my bedroom, my phone or traveling to other states to be with folks. It’s hard to make friends in New York. It’s hard to make friends as an adult period. There’s nothing forcing you to get to know others, there’s no automatic community such as college that places you with people of your kind. Not to mention, “Hi, my name is Yetti, want to be my friend?” stopped working once I turned 7. Last year, feeling alone as all hell, was not an understatement.
But though, I sometimes disagree, going through life on your own isn’t the easiest or the most entertaining. And even thought, I like my own company, it kind of hindered me from experiences the average (though I’m far from average) twenty-something year old should be having.
So this spring, I sought out to make friends / acquaintances . And I did, I made quite a bit actually. From NSBE to Blogging to random conversations on the train turned “You wanna grab a bite and maybe shop a bit” (Hi Sandy! Call you later, k?). I managed to meet people. And it has been awesome. But by meeting people, I was able to let my guard down. I was able to face this fear of social anxiety and I was also able to realize… I have had friends here all along.
I live with someone who I know for a fact will be in my life for years to come. Yes, she’s “Roomie”, but she’s Shiko, my partner in crime on my morning commutes, my champion went it comes to getting my to-do list done, and the catcher of most of my ridiculous goals that she writes down on my whiteboard. She knows when I’m going to have a crazy moment. She accustomed to my tough love. We know what pushes each other’s buttons, and we know when the other needs comfort. We laugh, we bitch, we brunch, lunch, dinner and dessert and… we really fucking laugh. Like all the time. We fight like siblings. And then forget about it like friends.
Or Nicole, my ex-work wife… who made an effort to get to know me when I didn’t want anything to do with anyone at work. Who holds my hand when I do decide I want to be social and go out. Who left the company yet still meets me for lunch once a week so we can catch up, laugh, and assess each other’s sanity. Not to mention, she trekked all around Manhattan with me during our lunch breaks and after work to help find the perfect venue for my upcoming event.
Or Alex and Marika who are the only reason why I am out on a work night, and have embraced all that is crazy Phenomenal Yetti (Princess Yetti to them). Or Sherry who tries to balance out my antics with logic… and sometimes more craziness. Or Sarah Bel, who may just be the funniest person I have ever met. Or Arielle, my personal trainer turned confidant. Or big brother Tunde, because well… he deals with a lot while having to be my neighbor on the other side of the cubicle and actually cares. Like a lot.
And I could on and on about the people I have met at the gym, or in the waiting room of my therapist’s office but the fact is I had a tribe before I even knew I had a tribe. I just couldn’t see it. And now that I see it, I feel completely and utterly blessed to be surrounded by a group of people who didn’t need to get to know me when I was anti-social and sometimes extremely stand-offish, but still attempted to anyway. I know today, that I am never alone in this city.
And of course there is you all, the people that have helped build my blog to what it is now. You retweet, you favorite, you share, you comment, you view without a peep. Yes, you guys. I speak to one or two of you a week, and I absolutely enjoy it. Your notes and emails are welcomed, and I will always, always reply. You guys remind me why I love blogging. You guys were the tribe that tolerated my messiness and flaws before I even decided to. And I love you all.
Seriously…why in the world would you want to make me emotional, Yetti? WHY? Fantastic entry chickadee. You’re breaking out of your cocoon and it’s like watching the lil’ sis I never had. you rock majorly 🙂
Awww thank you Sherry =)
I find this post to very inspirational. I too suffer with social anxiety. It mostly has to do with fear of what other people think. After reading this, I’m so ready to kick this bad habit. I’m tired of being afraid and find my happiness.
YES! That’s exactly where a portion of my social anxiety came from. You can do it! Email me if you need some tips. Thank you for reading and relating!
Work relationships are hard but once you find a work boo, being at work seems less tasking than it would otherwise. But it’s even better when you can maintain that relationship outside of work or once someone has moved on. true friendship. in general, yes adult friendships are so hard, but I’ve learned that they (IMO) are the most meaningful because it’s a choice (this is a person that adds value to your life and vice versa) and less about convenience (I’ve known this person since 5 and we lived next door to each other).