Lessons From 25: Comparisons Are A Bitch

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Comparing yourself to others is nothing short of a self sabotaging bitch. Do you know where this bitch loves to hang out? On your twitter timeline. On your facebook newsfeed. And inside of your head. Yes. Your head. And the more you allow this wench to cha cha slide within your mind, the more you will feel a lack of adequacy.

Now before I preach to you about how terrible this is to do, and how you should probably try to stop doing it immediately, I’m going to disclose that I sometimes too still do it. Most of the times you don’t know you’re doing it till it has kind of spun out of control. It starts with something innocent, a swipe through your newsfeed. Or it could happen not so innocently when you find yourself searching for it.

– Kate and Mike got married. In Turks and Caicos. On the beach. And her wedding ring is the size of my eyeball.
– Fiona moved to Cali and launched her own business.
– Her stomach is flat. And mine is lumpy.
– He’s dating HER? What was wrong with me?
– Everyone on my timeline is in a fucking relationship. Oh Joy.

Either way, it leaves you in a place that’s not so fuzzy and warm. Personally, I now have a habit of comparing my progress to success to that of others because, impatience. But before it didn’t just stop there. Anything and everything, I would compare until it was brought to my attention that these thoughts and actions were similar to cutting, a habit I kicked to the curb awhile ago. When I would compare myself to others, it was me backing myself into a corner with a thought limitation that has been ruling my life since I could remember: I am not enough.

[Tweet “But the truth is. We are enough. We’re always enough, as long as we believe ourselves to be.”]

I am not enough comes in the forms of (and certainly not limited to): I’m not lovable. I’ll never get that promotion. And my personal favorite, It just never works for me. But the truth is. We are enough. We’re always enough, as long as we believe ourselves to be.

When you compare yourself to others, you put your self-worth in the hands of someone else. Your value then becomes based off of someone else’s standards, and a little secret? Not a lot of people will express their failures or scraped knees, they will only portray their happiness and their gains. It all boils down to them not wanting to seem weak, but as I touched upon two weeks ago, it fails to show that they’re human. But I digress.

So how do I deal with these self-sabotaging thoughts? 

I practice thought-stopping. You can read more about that here.

Or, I’m sure this is obvious, but I take social media breaks. And when I am on social media, I have half of the people I follow muted. Sorry fellow bloggers, I just don’t need the added pressure.

But I always, always continue to compare but instead, I compare myself to myself. I’m quite the competitive person, and my aim everyday is to be a better me. So why not compare myself to something where I know all of the hidden truths, both the failures and the gains? Why not compare myself to myself, that way I can truly measure how far I have come? Comparing myself to the old me, has done nothing but build my sense of self, except for when I compare my metabolism. That’s never going to be the same, but I accept that. Accept everything that is you, so that you do not feel forced to accept other people’s inaccurate truths of you formed through unfair comparisons.

A little secret for you wonderful readers. For my 25th birthday I got this tattoo. I wrote about it here. And every time someone asks me what it means, I refuse to answer. But to make the point of how serious I am with this post, when translated my tattoo says: “I am enough.”

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  1. What a beautiful lesson and what a beautiful tattoo to have as a reminder. Comparisons are a bitch and can steal your joy if you let it. I constantly check myself about that, because as you said, even the most innocent comparisons can affect you negatively

    1. Precisely! And we deserve whatever joy may come our way without anything to sabotage it! Thanks for reading Sheridan 🙂

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