“Why did you shut down Certified 10?” she asked.
“Well, I had a lot going on. I was also a one woman team. And I was tired.” I responded.
“Tired of? The work load?”
“Yeah, the work load. And, I was kind of feeling like a fraud. Not sure why people believed in this movement of mine for so long, but feeling like you’re letting people down with lack luster content? That’s heavy. I felt really fucking heavy.” I explained.
“Why do you think you were a fraud?” She asked.
“Well, I’m not a professional. I don’t have a degree like you. I don’t really know what I’m doing when it comes to running to an organization. And… I’m in therapy too. I’m still trying to figure out life.”
“You’re not a fraud, Yetti.” she laughed. “This does sound like the Imposter Syndrome, though.”
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The “she” in the above conversation is my new therapist, and during this first session with her, she gathered me together. Quickly and gently. This time last year, I said goodbye to Certified 10. I explained that the season just wasn’t right for it or me right now. I admitted that I was tired of being a one woman team with what I felt was little to no support from those around me. I made clear that I kind of had lost focus and didn’t ultimately know what I was aiming for anymore. But the part I left out was that I didn’t feel like I was the right person for such a large job, for an organization that could impact lives. The Imposter Syndrome at its finest.
My focus for Certified 10 may have been lost, but the mission has always been the same:
To educate our women on the importance of self-love and equip them with
unstoppable skills to manage their mental health and sense of self-worth.
So how could someone like me call herself the CEO and Founder of such a beautiful and monumental movement? How could I produce articles, and web series, and social media challenges that promote a healthy mental state when I am also still battling with my own. How can I provide advice and share knowledge when I don’t know it all, and I am not licensed to do so. Everything I was doing smelled fake and in effects to sweeten the aroma around Certified 10, I began working myself to the bone to try and “conceal” that I wasn’t the right woman for the job.
That day during my first session, my therapist challenged each and every thought I had about me being a fraud, and soon after, I realized that no one had indeed called me a fraud. Well, no one outside of my self-deprecating inner bully.
And then came the homework. Good therapists will give you homework. And the homework was simply to keep going. To keep working towards Certified 10 and my blog because in her words, “Only you can do what YOU do and by not doing it, someone wasn’t receiving a healing only you can produce.” (She also told me to begin breaking down some of my goals into miniature bite-size goals, because your girl does get a little crazy).
How To Combat The Imposter Syndrome And Focus On Your Reality:
I’ve been working towards breaking through my Imposter Syndrome, and I’ve come up with a rules to push myself through that feeling of being a fraud and figured I’d share them with you.
Give up on “perfect”
Perfect does not exist unless you are Jesus Christ himself. I have this awful habit of digging into details no one else will notice and fixating on them until they’re “perfect.” It has often been the reason why I haven’t launched certain projects. It’s a delay tactic and a way for you to beat yourself up because “a professional would’ve been able to do this,” – bullshit. Something not being perfect doesn’t make you a fraud, it makes you a human. Humans make mistakes and it’s honestly okay.
Keep a “fierce” jar
I do a lot of self-talk and positive affirmations, but sometimes that is just not enough. One thing I used to give away at my Certified 10 workshops is a fierce jar. Every time you have a fierce moment you are proud of, whether it be avoiding a panic attack or winning an award, write it down and put it in the jar. When you’re feeling doubtful of your abilities, break out that jar and read through your accomplishments. All of them can’t be due to sheer luck. You’ve achieved these thing because “you is smart, you is kind, and you is important.”
No but seriously. Let these notes speak to what you are worth and what you are capable of. It’s okay to not be humble at this point. Brag about you and fight back on the imposter syndrome!
Redo the foundational work
This isn’t what you think it is, but it’s still just as important. Get to the root of what makes you feel like an imposter. Is it because the people around you doing the same thing have more degrees? Is it because someone planted the seed that you’re a failure? Are you just scared? Dig deep. Figure it out. Then redo the foundation of your belief, replacing the negative thoughts with positive reassuring ones.
Say yes, then freak out later
Don’t hold yourself back from the opportunities that excite and scare you at the same time. Don’t do this because your imposter syndrome is on level 100. Do the complete opposite. I recently did this and joined Melanie for an Instagram live session. I screamed yes… and then spent the entire week freaking out, only to get on camera with my glass of wine and kill it with the guidance of Melanie and my boyfriend leaving heart emoji’s in the chat. Feel the fear, say yes anyway, then freak out later.
Getting rid of your imposter syndrome isn’t going to be easy. To be honest, I don’t think it’ll ever go away completely. But finding ways to work through it and argue back against those fraudulent feelings is one hell of a way to manage it. Good luck, boos. I know you can do it!
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What are some things you do to fight back against your self-doubt and the imposter syndrome?13