Imperfection At Its Finest – I is for Imperfect
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“You know Yetti, you’re striving for all of the wrong things. Your focus can’t always be on building your brand. This is why you don’t have a fiancee yet.”
“I thought I had a lot of problems to work on. But Yetti, you have a lot. What the fuck is your therapist doing?”
These were the words that came from two different heated discussions with friends. The first one came from me refusing to go on blind date I had never agreed to in the first place. This was her lash back. The second one, I had fucked up. She had fucked up. The blame game was served and a trust barrier was damaged on both ends. I could have responded the exact same way to the both of them. I could have picked at their flaws and things I see as questionable behavior, because we all have them. I could have. But I didn’t, and I’m glad I didn’t because thankfully I’m no longer the type of person that goes blow for blow.
Instead, I chose to take the words in, assess if there was any truth to them, and if there was, I’d evaluate it accordingly.
I’m the first to say that I am a flawed individual. There are bits and pieces of me that still do not connect. I’m aware of the qualities that people will take advantage of. I’m aware of my tendencies that will deter people. I’ve written the book on the characteristics that can often be viewed as either over the top or even deprecating. But I refuse to allow those who are not me to delineate what makes me “imperfect”.
For years I tailored my behaviors for other people’s likings. I trusted their view of me over my own perception of myself. I chose to handle situations the way they saw as fit. I took on an attitude of being in your face to match that of theirs. And somehow down the line, I began to denounce the characteristics that make me, me.
Such as being “emotional”.
Or a “perfectionist”.
Or “too giving”.
Or being a “fairy-tale believer”.
And the list goes on. But somehow over the past two years I began to find that these are pieces of me that I like, and then this year? I decided to fall in love with them. Because being “emotional” is what allows me to write from a place of vulnerability. Having the tendencies of a “perfectionist” is what makes me want more for myself, and to go about it in away that can not be labeled as poorly put together. Because being “too-giving” is what I like to call being compassionate, something many people lack and therefore lack the ability to truly connect with others. Or being a believer of happy endings, because there are days I need to fall on something in order to pursue these crazy dreams of mine.
Being imperfect is being human. Accepting the things that make you the person you are is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Let go of what others think you should be. Take in only the truths about yourself that you know to be true and reject the labels and negativity other’s post into your life. Work on the habits that may be holding you back, and continue to look within you first, before checking elsewhere.We’re not comprised of sugar, spice, and all things nice. We come with ingredients that are sour to some tastebuds and sometimes cause an allergic reaction. Just face the fact you are an acquired taste, and that’s okay too.
So be imperfect. Embrace it. It looks good on you.
This really resonates with me – figuring out ways to see my imperfections as strengths, to turn what I see as my weaknesses into sources of growth. My therapist believes that our greatest flaws are also our biggest strengths, taken to extremes, & I’ve been thinking about this a lot, dissecting it down to figure out whether it’s true & how it applies to me. It’s been a really fascinating exercise for me in seeing myself in different ways, as someone who is not quite as flawed as I think I am & infinitely better/stronger/cooler/more likeable than I often believe myself to be.
I agree, Kate. I have found that the things that always embarrassed me most, or that I was most ashamed of, through self-discovery, are turning out to be my greatest strengths. These are the things that allow me to connect emotionally with people the most. I was always taught to hide imperfections. As a family, as a woman, as a personality, I was taught to keep anything that wasn’t technically admirable under wraps. I think many of us are taught this way. No wonder many of us are secretly suffering, holding so much in, feeling unworthy. We all crave each other’s humanity, you know? But once we stop listening to all of that and we learn to accept all our jagged edges, we can do creative things with them. And then they don’t feel bad at all anymore. It feels more like material, you know, for our art.
“We all crave each other’s humanity…” – I never thought about it this way, but you’re absolutely right.
My therapist says the same thing. She actually spent a lot of time helping me to realize that no everyone else’s “truths” are my truths!
Definitely have to agree. It was like being hit by a freight train in the moment I realized I was trying to be perfect. Every since I was a small child, I tried to do everything right. I hated being reprimanded or corrected. Only to become an adult and realize that you can never be perfect. HAHA. So I have been working on accepting that. Especially in my relationship. I thought, how can he have gripes about me? Doesn’t he know I’m perfect? LOL. Sounds crazy to say it, but that’s what my actions showed. You are certainly on to something when deciding to embrace all of who you are and not counting on outside sources to validate you. We are who we are and should be so unapologetically even in the midst of becoming the best versions of ourselves. Great post!
ASHLEY! You sound like me! I wanted to perfect so badly when I was younger, and lost a lot of myself in the process! Individuality is beautiful, it’s what makes us … us! Thank you for reading!
Yes, our imperfections help make us unique and beautiful but they also mold us and shape our journeys of growth. Everyone has a different, individualized set of imperfections and thus, their own path to coming into their authentic selves at work, in love, within their bodies, spiritually, in our callings, and what we have to offer life. It’s hard to accept and acknowledge these imperfections and it’s even harder to figure out how to navigate our way through these flaws to become our best selves. Trying to hide or mask them or pretend we don’t have any only dims our light.
And why dim our lights when others can’t handle it? Thank you for reading!
Exactly. And you’re welcome! I hope you’ll return the favor 🙂
Loooooove this! I am super late to getting around to reading some of these, but I’m glad I landed on I, I think we all can relate to at times feeling like we’re too much and viewing that as an imperfection and thus denouncing it, when really flaws can be so beautiful and can really add music to your personality and the way you live your life. I’m glad you’ve embraced your flaws. I’m still working on it, but reading things like this definitely encourage the thought process I have to flaws. I’ve checked off “too emotional” and am working on “too worrisome”, “too impulsive”, “overthinking”, and “getting worked up over little stuff”. Lovely post.
Great post! I too spent my childhood and most of my adult life trying to be perfect. If I did anything remotely wrong (even if I and the rest of the world saw nothing “wrong” in my actions) I was punished. I wasn’t ever a “naughty” child and although I had a lot to say for myself as a teenager, and sailed close to the “getting into trouble” wind, I avoided crossing the line. It’s only over the past few years that I realised that the underlying fear of “getting into trouble” was holding me prisoner to the opinions and views of others. My actions and choices were determined by this underlying fear. Embracing the fact that I am imperfect, have my flaws and that I am an “acquired taste” (love that), has been liberating, as well as scary but definitely worth it.
I am passionate about embracing imperfections as a part of our beauty, so I REALLY loved this post! I agree with you that we get to define our own truths about ourselves and we do NOT have to embrace anything that is contrary to that, if we choose not too. It is our right. Yet, somehow we feel this obligation to give in to what others think and offer penance for being who we are, when it is actually Divine in itself. This was an AWESOME post!! I vibe with this.
I am going to need to pick your brain! Love your work! Thanks for reading!