Saying goodbye to negativity may be the most difficult step out of the five I am outlining… but probably the most important. We hold onto things that no longer serve it’s purpose, things that do more harm that good and sometimes, situations that no longer deserve our time or presence. I’m talking about objects, jobs, behaviors, activities and yes, people. When making the decision to be happy, one most let go of everything that will hold them back from achieving this happiness.
Relationships – When removing people who bring chaos and unnecessary bullshit into your life, you essentially have 2 options: You can be an extremest like me, and completely sever ties or you can set boundaries with them and monitor how close you allow these people to enter your life. Neither options is easier than the other, they both suck. With people who no longer serve a purpose in your life (bad friends, exes, etc), say goodbye, and that’s that. For family members, this can be quite tricky, but minimizing the amount of time spent around them might just do the trick.
With people I have removed from my life, I threw out everything that reminded me of them. I made sure it would be difficult for them to ever reach out to me. Like I said, I am an extremist. The actions of throwing away bullshit, helps me stick to my decision. With those who are not completely toxic, but are not necessarily positive either… I’ve set boundaries with them. I only discuss certain things, they know nothing personal, I spend a certain amount of time with them, or communicating with them and I reject taking on their problems. They sort of become acquaintances.
Behaviors & Activities – Stop doing things you don’t want to do. Stop holding yourself back from opportunities. Stop living in fear. Stop participating in self-deprecating behaviors. Treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. I would never tell my closest friends they shouldn’t apply for her dream job or that they shouldn’t go for what they want in life, so why would I do this to myself? Removing toxicity also means removing it from within yourself. The positive affirmations and positive thinking will most definitely help rid you of self-limiting thoughts and behaviors.
Surroundings & Environment – Where you live and where you work factors in to your happiness. I know sometimes we do not have the choice but stick out certain situations for awhile, but at the very least you should like your job or at least like where you live. I aim for both at all times. You spend most of your time at work and the rest in the place you’re calling home. You can’t hate BOTH places, that just sounds mentally tiring.
When I lived in Rhode Island, I knew very little people, and I was working a job that was sucking my soul dry. Spending 12 hours at work, then coming home to an apartment or a state that I strongly disliked drove me crazy. The constant search for trying to make things better within this situation made me crazier. Hence my snapping my point and moving to New York. Love what you do, and if you don’t, work towards loving what you do. Live somewhere that brings you peace, excitement and that overall feeling of “home.” Trust me I know it’s difficult to uproot your life and make such large changes, but it’s very possible. My friend is doing it now, and even with bullshit trying to set her back, the pieces are falling together with each step she makes to changing her surroundings.
No one said any of this would be easy!