“Woe is me,” disappointment, and bitterness are just some of the things we can all relate to when we get taken advantage of.
Little do we know, it all starts with us.
Self value impacts numerous experiences in our lives. We tend to accept jobs, maintain relationships, or even choose where to travel based on how much we value ourselves. As I analyze my own life and look back at who I was, I can say some of my worst moments were an effect of how much I didn’t value myself.
Entertaining unhealthy friendships, calling that guy that I knew I had no future with, and accepting jobs that I knew wouldn’t work out in the long run were just some of the things I did based on the lack of my own self-value . Truth is, we are in control of realizing our value and also in control of what to accept or not. Somehow, we always tend to blame other individuals when it should really be ourselves. It is all about boundaries and standards.
Boundaries and standards are a necessity for anything you let in your life. Picture a state without boundaries and standards. It would be extremely scary, right? Standards set a foundation for every decision. If you don’t have boundaries and standards, you may be struggling with self-value. It’s crucial to realize your self-value before society decides for you.
Every once in awhile we question ourselves: “why do I constantly let this person hurt me?” “why do I have friends that put me down?”
Simply put, it’s because YOU accept it. The toxic people that you maintain relationships with put you in the passengers seat of your own life. You are no longer making the decisions. Is this truly valuing ourselves?
Trust me, I am very guilty of this as well!
Little ol’ me, in my twenties, trying to realize that I am valuable was not an easy thing. I was a “hopeless romantic” that wanted to be loved. I was in a long term relationship with a man and being in love was my so called “self-value.” I wasn’t selective and highly doubt that at that moment, I had any “real standards.” Just as long as I was taken and off the market, I felt valued. I didn’t know how to end my habit of dating men who simply added nothing but that artificial high of infatuation. And because I didn’t realize my value, I was left trying to find my value through someone/something else rather than God and myself alone. I felt like I was in this never ending cycle of meeting men that left me broken. However after many heartbreaks and tearful nights, I was lead to discovering what makes me valuable today.
I was sick of settling. I reached an epiphany. One day, I decided to go into Barnes and Nobles. I eagerly searched for self-help books and I thought to myself, “these books will definitely help me know my worth”. Ha, if only that worked! These books made it all seem that my worth/value was lost and I had to go find it. Little did I know, I was already valuable. WE are all valuable. I didn’t need a book, and I didn’t need a guy. I needed the word of God.
Instead of adding a man to my life, or another self-help book, I drew close to God. Truth is, we are all valuablem and that’s how we were made, even before we were formed in our mother’s womb. God stated in Genesis 1:31, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good”. So that drunkie you may see walking home, that horrible boyfriend that did you wrong, that convict in jail – they are all valuable. By the decisions they made, they may not have realized they were valuable, but they are.
No need to search for it, but rather realize it.
One of the worst things one can do is allow society to decide one’s worth. Mindlessly giving your body to someone because you think that it equals how worthy you are. Constantly seeking friends and romantic relationships because you think that proves how valuable you are.
No, it’s time to take a stand and develop your own standards.
Once you develop your standards, do not negotiate. Your standards are the foundation of every decision you make in life, therefore, be selective with who and what you let into your life. Embrace who you are. and don’t let anyone treat you any less than what you deserve.
And if you’ve never heard this before, let me be the first: You are valuable.