* Written by Fidelis Wambui for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “For Black Girls” post series
It’s okay. If you know nothing else, please know that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. It is okay not to know exactly what you want.
You have a good life. Followed some sort of playbook. Bachelor’s degree here. Master’s there. A decent career. But you still haven’t found your “purpose.” You stick to the playbook others wrote simply because you have no idea what your own pages should look like. You listen to your best friend speak about her higher purpose and you’re simply in awe. What is it like to know exactly what you were designed for? What you were meant for? Someone once told you, “Live life by design, not by default.” Ever since then, you’ve been afraid that you’re doing life wrong, that you should have the design in place by now.
You should at least know it by now.
But here’s the thing, baby girl.
You don’t need to know everything right now. You don’t need to rush to the end of the book where everything magically turns out okay, and all the answers are revealed. You can enjoy the not knowing. You can bask in the searching period. And you’re brave. You’ve moved continents. Alone. Started a life on foreign lands, not once, but twice. You’ve shaken your mother’s world by leaving behind a lucrative stable career and starting your own business. Even as you search for what you want, you know to reject the crap you don’t want. No one is pushing you into a life you don’t want. Not on your watch!
The “not knowing” is not holding you back. In fact, it’s pushing you to explore things that you may never have otherwise considered. To explore things further and change your life every so often in your search. To reimagine your life whenever you so desire. So maybe you don’t need to know exactly what you want or exactly how your life will turn out. You just need to not be afraid of not knowing for as long as possible.