For Black Girls Who Are Tired of Fighting
* Written by Carly Cobbald for YettiSays Self-Love Month | “For Black Girls” post series
Ever heard someone say: “You being tired means you are almost at the end of your fight.” I call bullshit. No, I call utter bullshit. Some of us are living lives that are legitimately a daily battlefield.
Fighting to be seen as beautiful in a world that reminds you daily that dark skin is ugly and your particular shade is even worse.
Fighting to be heard at that job, the job you hate, and that you only took to please your parents.
Fighting to love and be loved by a man, but often feeling like true love stories were only reserved for Disney characters, ones who don’t often look like me anyway.
Fighting for success, which starts with getting out of debt and being able to buy anything you want with no stress. An added bonus of this success? Impressing the people who got you into debt in the first place.
Fighting for your family and friends, who never see your tears and never understand the depth of your sacrifices just to be able to show up for them.
Fighting for your happiness, and praying that it’s actually attainable and not just some impossible illusion.
Every day you put on your war armor, ready for battle.
Everyone is so proud of your fight. You are the strong one, the one that has it all together…
But the truth is, you are tired. It’s a vicious cycle of feeling like fighting is your only option, but not always knowing what you’re fighting for or if it’s even worth it, and then ultimately being so tired of constantly being at war. For just one moment, you want someone to fight for you, to show up for you, to give you one moment to rest, one moment to be vulnerable.
But that moment never seems to come…
So for you Black Girl, I see you and I want to give you permission to rest.
I don’t know who told you that you had to fight so hard. I don’t know who told you that the weight of the world rests on your shoulders – that things cannot carry on without you. But stop and rest!
You don’t have to save everyone and everything. You were not created to fight 24/7. You don’t have to carry the weight of, “If I don’t do it, no one will.”
As much as the world acts like it, you are not invincible. You are human and you are owed a moment to yourself, a moment to let your guard down. Out of 7.6 billion people in the world, one person can figure it out while you rest.
This is your time to be still. You do not have to feel guilty. Just rest, that’s it!
You don’t even have to do something you love because sometimes that feels like war too. Take your moment, disconnect from all that requires something of you.
During this time of rest, there may be people who say they are going to show up for you. Let them have their chance to prove it, because the beauty is, whether they do it or not, you will be fine. While you are resting, the world is adjusting. Hopefully adjusting to meet your needs and if it’s not, that’s okay too.
I can’t promise you that you will never have to fight again, or things will magically resolve themselves while you rest. But the magic is while you are resting, you are still building your armor and sharpening your weapons, so take your time, baby sis.
Even if the world goes up in flames while you are away, let it burn. You have the fire extinguisher to put it out.
That’s the beauty of you.
Own your fight, own your strength, but don’t let it own you.
Never be afraid to take your moment to rest, because the reality is, it’s often the greatest weapon you have.
Carly Cobbold, Director of Sales for Personal Care Company + Owner of Ma Ntuma Accessories
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