When I was presented with the opportunity to be a guest on Yetti’s blog, I wasn’t sure if I was going to do it at first because I didn’t know what topic I could write about. I didn’t want to pick a topic which was boring or redundant. But a few days later, I came across this quote on Instagram.
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits- anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” -Kim McMillen
I have known for a long time that I was living a diseased lifestyle mentally, physically, and emotionally. As women, we tend to let inevitable situations dictate the decisions we make in life and allow the devil to possess our souls. Here is our exorcism!
Now, I am not using this platform to judge anyone’s life or the decisions that they’ve made. I am going to speak from personal experience. What has worked for me may not necessarily be your cup of tea (or glass of wine), however, I hope this will help you to at least open up your mind to healing in your own way.
There are a million things I can list that us women do to ourselves that is detrimental to our well-being but I will limit it to friendships/toxic people, beliefs, and bad habits.
Ladies, how many times have you gone through a break up and said, “I don’t need a man, I can do bad all by myself,” or the infamous, “Men ain’t shit, all the good ones are taken,” and so on.
Hush your mouth, please. Being hurt can sometimes cause us to be very bitter and look at everything in such a negative light. Don’t try to force your mind into believing you are okay with being alone forever because of a bad experience. You will wake up at age 50 and seriously be by yourself! This is something I learned from my mother. I love her to death and she probably wouldn’t be happy about me saying this, but she used to always say “I don’t need a man to make me happy.”
She will be 50 this year and she is alone! Do you want this to be you?
It is ok to be devastated over the death of a relationship/friendship you thought was going to last forever. You will have days where you look back and wish you saw the signs. If you feel in your heart you were a great woman to your man and he was an asshole, GREAT! You did not belong in that relationship anyways. It is also important to be honest with yourself and reflect on what you could have done that was detrimental to the relationship which caused it to fail. Once you’ve done so, keep it in mind for the next time you decide to take another shot at being with someone.
No relationship is ever a waste of time if you learn from it.
This was inspired by a post Yetti wrote titled Are you a beggar? After reading her insight, I had to answer “Yes” to this question. I am a beggar! Validation is very important to me (to a certain extent and from certain people). Every step I take, every move I make there is at least one person in my life I have to ask what they think. I can’t make a single decision on my own and when I do, it’s usually a bad one. A lot of unfortunate events have taken place in my life because of this. I have held onto friendships with people who were extremely toxic to my welfare due to me feeling like I NEEDED people around me. This also caused me to be emotionally invested in the wrong people.
Think about what makes you 100% happy and screw everyone else! I don’t even take into consideration what my parents could possibly think about my decisions. It sounds bad, but it is actually great! I was able to make both career and life goals with this mindset and I took off running. I have accomplished more in the last year than I have in my life. I was so unhappy when I was living for other people, and I took it out on every human I came across. Although I still have a lot to work on, I remind myself daily of what I am worth and what I am capable of without validity.
“This above all; To thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare
You are the only person that can determine whether a habit is bad for you. For example, I have developed a habit of drinking wine almost three to four times a week. This doesn’t stop me from being able to function from day-to-day and it doesn’t impair my judgment in any way. My friend told me this is what alcoholics say to cover up their problem (Whatever!) but I do not consider this a bad habit. It is more of a minor sin. Some women have a habit of purposely ruining relationships, getting attached too quickly, attracting the wrong men, and so on. The main issue with this subject is, these actions are usually involuntary. If you don’t realize this is your life, you will never know that you need to change it.
Ask yourself what revolving door are you constantly going through in your life? Why? How is it negatively affecting your life? Write it down if you need to, and connect the dots. I have learned, you cannot wake up out of bed everyday and walk around this world like a robot. I am trying my best to be more present with each and every breath I take from the moment I wake up until the moment I lay down to sleep. It’s so amazing! It is very hard to change what makes you mentally comfortable, but it is absolutely necessary. Once you start to see how it can change your life, these steps will become so much easier to take. Trust yourself! The only thing that can stop you, is you!