You’ve found a way to outrun your insecurities and you don’t know that that’s what you’re doing. You’ve aligned with girls who have more life experience than you’ve had. They seem to be sure of themselves and outspoken. Who they claim to be casts a spotlight on who you feel you’re not – the you you lost early in life. You want to be like them and liked by them. You believe this is the epitome of friendship but it’s really a gaggle of mean girls.
You can’t see that you’re changing, becoming more judgmental and less of the empath God designed you to be. You think you’re breaking out of your shell in a good way but you’re really crushing beneath your harsh tongue, anyone who represents everything you hate or can’t understand about your life
This is not who you truly are.
This is a cop out.
I gotta tell you, girl, you’re going to have to do the work. You’ll have to take many moments to sit still, alone, and remember who you are. I know alone time scares the heck out of you but how can you welcome the rest of your life if you’re too afraid to look in the mirror? Be honest even when it hurts and come back to yourself. Come back to your own opinions. Come back to your fearlessness. Come back to your goofiness. Come back to your imagination. Come back to your intercessor’s heart.
This life you’ve been called to is going to cost you.
It’ll cost the friendships you held high and the vision you built on the expectations of everybody else. And that will be tough. Do it anyway, my love.
God will send you true sisterhood when it will prove most sustaining and uplifting. He’ll send you the reinforced right vision for your life when you’ve become equipped to carry that mantle. Be patient, and be yourself. There is a ministry waiting for you that a pulpit can’t contain. There are platforms that will call forth everything about yourself you thought you had to outrun. There are people waiting to receive the gold spun from the hard things you’ll overcome, the humility you’ll learn, the isolation you’ll embrace for a time.
And you will become walking water, growing flowers with each step. You’ll become a walking torch, lighting flames of encouragement and evocation wherever you go.
Listen for the voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Talk to God. Step into yourself.
Love you. Truly.