For most people, nightmares appear at night, you know, once you close your eyes, For me, they can happen at any given moment, especially in a crowded setting. So I opt to take a taxi versus the train. Or decide to wait for the next train because this one isn’t empty enough. I tell you, as politely as I can, to not touch me, or stand too close. Or to make things a little less awkward and ease my anxiety, I stay at home. I feel safe there. I rather brunch than club. Less dancing and grinding. And for sex, you’ll need to be trusted. Really trusted.
But please forgive me and remember it has nothing to do with you, I promise. It’s just that I have triggers. I have memories, and they all center around that night after the gym. It’s a work in progress. I’m getting there. But to you it’s simply a touch, a feeling. To me, it’s my worst nightmare, it’s remembering his touch.