Every morning consists of planning out my day. On the train I write myself memos and a schedule. During my gym warm up and cool down I read over emails, reply text messages, and obsess over my never-ending to-do list. I juggle my blog, my organization, and my 9-5 all throughout the day. Three laptops open and each one of them gets a little loving from Yetti. I network in the evenings or sometimes simply just fight sleep on the train, before heading home to my office that is slowly resembling a convenient store’s stock room. I play that mind game with myself. You know, the one where you promise yourself just a few more hours before you can go to bed. Then every night around 2 or 3 AM, I find myself knocked out in an uncomfortable position surrounded by my laptop, planner, notebook and cellphone.
Needless to say, these past few weeks have been a blur of days, events, people, and the usual fuckery.
A few days ago during a mini catch up with Tyece, I told her to enjoy the moment of becoming an author. She knows perfectionist tendencies just as well as I do. Before she finished her statement, I knew what she was doing, what she was going to say, because Tyece is the ultimate #girlboss.
But as I shared these words, she shared a few with me:
After my first Certified 10 event, I climbed down from cloud 9 that following Monday to get back to business on my blog and begin the works of event number 2. So much went wrong during first #Back2Basic’s event, I felt like I needed to do better and redeem myself. The 10’s of the world and the 10’s attending this event deserved so much more.
Last week, I held my very first twitter chat with Roconia and my best-friend playing different ends of my backbone within GroupMe and my text messages. It honestly was too late to back out, but I was trying to find a way anyway. My little ol’ blog going up against the #blkcreatives chat? Yetti, what were you thinking? You ain’t big time yet, homie! I even warned the men that I had helping me to run this chat that it would be small, nothing too big. Needed to set the expectations for a womp-womp night.
Two weeks ago, I also released the guidelines for my Guest Blogger’s Week submissions, something I had tried before and received not one submission. That was like a swift punch to my gut and pride, and here I was setting myself up again for another private humiliation.
But as I sat on the cycle machine yesterday morning to go through my emails, I realized that I had emails to go through. Which in turn brought up a good realization that I haven’t made the time to enjoy the celebratory events happening to me. I’ve made time to criticize, to bully, to push myself more, yet, never to just reflect and be proud of my work.
- That Certified 10 event helped one of the participants through a long term battle with anxiety. A few others have incorporated affirmations into their daily routines. That’s huge!
- My twitter chat was a success. It didn’t match up to that of the talented Melissa Kimble’s, no, but I needed two laptops to keep up with the responses! And the guys loved it!
- Guest Blogger’s Week? You mean, Guest Blogger’s Two Weeks? I have received enough submissions that I was able to extend it! Helloooooo hiatus!
Last week I discussed being enough in my newsletter. I made it my affirmation for this month. It’s actually tattooed on my forearm in arabic. A gift to myself when I turned 25 (Surprise Mum and Dad!). But these moments call for more than just a reminder, or an acknowledgement that one is enough.
You need to enjoy the moment. Bask in that shit. Toot your horn. Middle finger to humility. Love your work and potential all out in the open world. Shimmy it down your twitter timeline. Wear it on your face, in your heart, and across your back because you fucking deserve it. Step away from the fine details and appreciate the bigger picture. Stop focusing on the stress, and stand back in awe of WHY you are stressed. Your work is beautiful, and it deserves that reflection from it’s owner.
The truth is, my blog isn’t so little anymore, I don’t need google analytics or twitter followers to tell me this. It’s reach, the emails, and the comments I receive are testimonials enough. Hell, I had someone follow me around Sephora to take ask me if I am me. Certified 10 is growing beyond New York City and New England, it’s a little bit crazy when I actually think about it. And me? I’m stressed, I’m a little behind, but folks, I’m so fucking happy.
So I’m going to bask in it. I’m going to let myself enjoy it.