3 Quick Ways To Piss Off New Yorkers


Walk Slowly

The big city waits for no one, and with the speed of the hustle & bustle that is completely unique to this small yet overly populated island, there’s no need to explain why. Everyone, EVERYONE is always in a rush and if they’re not, they’re not from NYC. Care to test the waters of walking slowly in Manhattan? Be prepared to be shoved, cursed out, honked at or maybe even assaulted by coffee.

Eat Tuna On A Tightly Packed Train

Let’s recap yesterday’s event shall we?

Hungry man steps onto downtown D train during peak after work rush hour. Hungry Man wedges between Burly Construction Worker and Business Woman in gorgeous Tahari suit (yes, I noticed). Hungry man digs into over-sized coat pocket and pulls out neatly wrapped sandwich. Hungry man unravels sandwich and digs in, mayo slightly smeared on his cheek.

“You can’t be serious,” said now angry Business Woman, “You just can not be serious.”

Hungry man continues to eat sandwich, unaware that the pungent smell of fish is now taking over his section of the train car. D train reaches next stop, crowded train…. remains crowded.

Burly Construction Worker slaps Hungry Man’s sandwich to the ground

The end.

Hold Up The Flow Of The Turnstile

It’s quite a simple, don’t fuck it up. Proceed to the turnstile if:

  • If one has a fully functional, unlimited or loaded with money MetroCard.

Do not proceed to the turnstile if:

  • If one’s MetroCard is still within the mess of one’s overflowing, heavy ass purse
  • If ones MetroCard is empty, expired, or has less than $2.50 on it

You have approximately 60 seconds to get this right, do you hear me? Don’t be the person that ruins the flow. There will be awkwardness which will in turn cause you to sweat and panic. And then when you turnaround to see multiple angry beady eyes staring into your direction, you will feel momentarily shamed. Trust me, you only want to experience this once my friend. Come prepared.

You’re Welcome 🙂 . What else do you think annoys New Yorkers?


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