In the past few days I have been called humble and arrogant, both by people who are going through that difficult process of trying to get to know me better. When asked the question “how so?”, they replied with answers that didn’t quite support their statements.
“You don’t think that you’ve made it. You always state you’re getting there.”
“You give yourself compliments and refer to yourself in third person. It’s like you need the world to know you’re important.”
“Your hashtags last Thursday were a little too much, you call your blog posts Vitamin-Y?”
Now, I will admit, I am quite out there. I’m confident in terms of things I know to be true about myself… 98% of the time at least, the other 2% is reserved for when I’m pmsing. But then there are those characteristics I wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as, that “humble” me… until I adopt them as another ingredient of Phenomenal Yetti. But let’s discuss this “humble” characteristic for a moment.
I’m not sure if I’m humble or not, but I do know that people put a lot of emphasis on the ability to be humble. There are times where I am taken aback by positive comments, reviews and gestures, but not so much in a diffident way, but simply because it’s unexpected. For example, here is a portion of a note I was sent:
“I have a lot of respect for you, Yetti. The adjective phenomenal certainly deserves to precede your name. You are strong and smart and brave and irreverent..”
I was pleasantly surprised to receive this email. Not many people acknowledge that I introduce myself as Phenomenal Yetti, I’m sure most think it’s a joke. But Tyece knew I was serious, even though she’s only really seen it within my dramatic tweets, and she still addressed me as so throughout the weekend. Instances such as this, put a bashful smile on my face. It’s nice when people can see the greatness within you without you having to explain a thing.
Now with me being labeled as arrogant, there is a difference between arrogance and confidence. I think it’s quite a large difference to be honest, yet so many people interchange the words as if they are synonyms. They’re not. Arrogance comes with a much more negative connotation. I for one associate the term with those trying to hide their lack of self-esteem and are aiming to make up for everything that they’re not. In other words, putting on an act for the public eye. Confidence, as stated many a times before, is sexy, it’s the base of all self-esteem, completed goals and major moves. Confidence is knowing one’s worth.
So with the above clarification, what exactly is the issue with knowing my worth? Why does it seem like such a big deal when you toot your own horn? Why are we upset with those who pay compliments to themselves? And more importantly, why do we insist one should be modest at all times?
As a blogger, I do a lot of self-promotion, and as the woman I am becoming, it has probably gotten a little worse. As previously stated, I introduce myself as Phenomenal Yetti. I’ve even turned it into a hashtag on social media and have it printed on a t-shirt. The days of rejecting compliments or downplaying my accomplishments are long gone, and I will keep myself in high spirits for as long as I feel like it. Why? Because I deserve to do so. I take pride in who I am, who I am becoming and what I have to offer. I’m not quite sure how this makes me arrogant.
If I feel like shouting to the world that I am great, that I am doing big things, or that I look mighty attractive today (which I do), I’m going to do so. This is something I can’t apologize for, this is something I don’t think I should be humble about. I have the right to celebrate myself, others do not need to join this party. This is a party for one. I will continue to promote and voice my worth because one shouldn’t expect others to do that job for them. Are you going to ask Mama Oprah to pipe down too?
What I put out into the world about myself is also what I will attract. Not to mention hiding how phenomenal I am just isn’t quite possible. It shows through my actions, not just my words. One accepts the love and respect they think they deserve. How one treats themselves, is how others will treat them. So if knowing my worth, the value of my work and my potential is taboo, then that’s quite alright. I will continue to talk my shit. Call me arrogant, boo. I’ll be that.