So I figured for the last round of this year, we would do it a little differently: Women Say – The Men respond to it! We’re revisiting the topic of love, because… love. These questions actually came about from a twitter conversation I had the day after my birthday that seemed to unveil a lot of opinions on the topic of our “Chosen” ones. Hopefully, you guys find it as intriguing as I did!
Do you believe in the idea of soul-mates? Is it possible to have more than one person that is a perfect match for you?
Vanessa: I think the idea of a soul mate is nice but I’m not sure if the idea is the same for everyone. As a woman, I long for someone who understands me, accepts every part of me, and allows me to be who I am and if I am willing to do the same for him then that to me is a soul-mate. I don’t believe that there is one person in the world that is a PERFECT match for me. When we learn to accept someone, who is not perfect, for who they are we can relate to them better thus, creating an everlasting chemistry.
Brittany: I actually had this conversation with my grandmother before she passed. I do believe in them wholeheartedly, but I do not think we always end up with them. If you’re blessed enough to meet yours they can be a temporary person that was put in your life to learn a lesson from. I think it’s possible to have more than one perfect match for you because people grow, death and divorce happens and life goes on.
Chele: I do believe in soul mates. I believe there is somebody for everybody. That one person who completes you and you can’t see yourself without once they’ve become a part of your life. It is possible to be a good match with more than one person and you can be in love with them and have a wonderful relationship, but as far as soul mates go I believe there is only one.
Have you ever fallen out of love with someone you were in a relationship with? Have you ever been on the receiving end?
Vanessa: I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship with someone who I thought (at the time) I was madly in love with. One day I literally woke up and felt like I didn’t love him anymore because of all the bad things he did to me when we were together and I broke up with him. Today (over 4 years later) I look back and wonder if I ever even loved him in the first place. I am never sure how to answer this question. I’m not sure if I fell out of love with him, never loved him in the first place, or if I fell in love with the idea of who I thought he was. I have never been on the receiving end? Let’s be serious, I’m too dope for that.
Brittany: I have fallen out of love someone I was in a relationship with. I realized that we made better friends than lovers. It was one of the hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life but I was honest and he eventually understood. I’ve never been on the receiving end. I hope I don’t ever have to be.
Chele: Yes, I’ve fallen out of love with someone I was in a relationship with. I was pushed to that point. I thought my ex and I were perfect for each other. Bull and shit. That was the most toxic and mentally abusive relationship I’ve ever been in. But no matter what he did, the thought of leaving him was so painful. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. He managed to kill everything I felt for him and it was over. I’ve been on the receiving end… That’s some fucking pain. I spent days on the floor, crying, with a bottle of Crown. I’m mad dramatic. But, it makes you take a step back and reevaluate everything. Realizing your role in things falling apart can be a sobering dose of reality.
Do you think falling in love is a choice or should it solely be based on feelings or a connection? In other words, is love a decision?
Vanessa: Love is complicated sometimes and should never be solely based on a feeling or a connection because sometimes our perception of people are wrong, especially early on in the relationship. There’s nothing worse than falling in love with who you thought someone was or wanted them to be. Who we fall in love with is very much so a decision. To let your guard down and be vulnerable is a decision. Falling in love is not.
Brittany: I think falling in love is fate. The act of love is a choice. I cant help that I fell in love with the men I did, however I did choose the ways in which I showed it.
Chele: In my opinion, falling in love isn’t a decision. It is a genuine process and it takes time. It’s not like deciding what you want for lunch. I think it sneaks up on you. You begin with this amazing connection and over time the feelings build and the bond becomes deeper. You can make a decision to be in a relationship with someone and you may love them but falling IN love with that person is on another level.
Finish the sentence:
- When I am in love:
- Vanessa: I feel like I’m on top of the world.
- Brittany: I feel like the most organic version of me.
- Chele: I’m all the love and support he needs from a significant other.
- When a man is in love:
- Vanessa: The side chicks come out.
- Brittany: (ponders for half hour… gets tired) if I fall in love next year I’ll come back and answer this for you.
- Chele: He may hold back to some degree because he fears being seen as soft or vulnerable.
- Love shouldn’t be:
- Vanessa: Hard.
- Brittany: Forced.
- Chele: Selfish, inconsiderate, dishonest or judgmental.
- The trick to love is:
- Vanessa: Compassion and long strokes.
- Brittany: First finding it in yourself.
- Chele: Loving yourself first.