I get criticized every time I take a twitter break. A groupme chat break. A slight disappearance but still available to my closest. A social media silence. I go off the grid, unannounced, pop in for a few, comment on a few things, promote the blog and disappear again. It’s never planned. It’s not scheduled. It happens when it happens, which is why people see it as an abrupt motion. A disturbance if you will.
David calls it my disappearing act. Others say it’s a cry for attention. “Attention-Whore-ish”
I call it preserving my sanity.
There is something about twitter and consuming everyone’s thoughts, day in, day out. There’s something about reading your LinkedIn feed and seeing all of your old classmates switching jobs, becoming entrepreneurs, or what may have you. There’s something about signing into Facebook and seeing a new engagement, wedding or baby on my timeline [except for Rosie Peña, because she’s fucking adorable].
But it doesn’t stop there.
There are the family members and friends who love to impose their views and rules on how I ought to be living my life, and where I should be at this day and the not-so-spring-chicken age of 26. There are those who you give to, and they take and take and take till your generous well is dry and your heart’s doubt for humanity has increased tenfold. There are even those things that just do not serve you and bring negative energy towards your well-being.
It’s overwhelming. It’s exhausting. It’s down right draining. It’s constant and sometimes, just sometimes, I want no parts. Yes, you can weed negativity out of your life. Yes, you can surround yourself with positives, but even the most positive of Positive Patties have their bad days. Opinions come with twitter, wild and sometimes beyond disrespectful. Your family and friends, well they’re YOURS. They will be there. And everyone has the right to share their bundles of joy and overly done weddings on Facebook.
But it doesn’t mean I need to absorb it all. It doesn’t mean I need to always make the space for it.
So I pull back. Just because it is out there doesn’t mean I need to consume it. Not everyone deserves a piece of me, or my sanity. Not everything out there and directed towards me, deserves my attention.
But you’re a blogger, these are the types of things you choose to deal with. You share you opinions too, no?
Yes. Wait. To a certain degree, Yes. Yes, I share pieces of my life. I share certain opinions and pet-peeves of the universe. I am in the business of storytelling. Touching people with my words, and pushing folks to feel and think simultaneously. Calling awareness to the things in life not all of us are brave enough to share. It’s what I do. But I’m human first. So just as people make the choice to read what I produce, I make the choice on what I share and what I also choose to consume. Sometimes what I choose to consume just so happens not to be other people’s opinions on how life should be lived. What I choose to consume just so happens not to be someone else’s bad mood or negative energy, because I try my very hardest to not force my bad mood upon others. What I choose to consume are things that my mind and soul can deal with at that moment, and then maybe I come back to the things I skipped later. You know, when I know it’ll be better received. And what I share? Girl, I only share what I am comfortable with having the world know about me.
So I won’t apologize for disappearing, avoiding and not acknowledging the bullshit. I won’t apologize for not tweeting my every opinion, next move or all my failures and successes.
You have the right to step away (and not to be confused with run away) from portions of the world when you know it does not serve you. You have the right to no over share also. You have the right to preserve your sanity and you can also read an opinion, without internalizing it. Zip up your soul when those around you are not worthy of glimpses of it, and create a sideways trampoline to those who pry to get in without a good cause.
Because not every voice shared with you is for you. Not every opinion needs to be acknowledged. Not everyone cares for what you have to share. And not everyone is worthy of you anyway. Yes, sometimes we have to bear the storm, or however that cliché phrase goes, but we do not need to be drenched in it either. If stepping away means you’re silent for a few days, then do it. If stepping away means your sanity remains in tact, then do it. It’s not isolation. It’s not living in La-La land. It’s you deciding that not everyone and everything deserves a piece of you right now, and there is nothing wrong with that.