A few weeks ago I reached out to a couple of men to get some feedback on a random conversation that took place in one of my group chats. The conversation of roles within a relationship sparked my interest in yet another segment of my post series, Men Think, Men Say… formally known as And So Men Think. Check out part one of the conversation with the guys, let me know your thoughts!
Define what you think a woman’s role and responsibilities should be within a relationship? Do you agree with the comments shared by Participant 1? Do share the views of Participant 2, where it should be a 50/50 split? (Please read Convo One)
Rudny: I’m a little traditional in the ways I view my role in a relationship but I am a lot more flexible in what the role of the woman should be because not all relationships are the same. Although if i’m married and we have kids I would expect you to act like a mother and a good wife. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I think the 50/50 split Participant 2 spoke about is a good idea, if I allow you to contribute in any way while dating it usually means I want you to be around for a while and intend on paying you back. If I do everything it just makes it easier for me to walk away cause in my mind I don’t owe you anything.
Wale: I feel a woman’s role and responsibility has changed a great deal in today’s society. I don’t feel there are certain things that only a woman should do just as I don’t feel there are things only a man should do. My wife and I split all the responsibilities in the house whether it be cooking, cleaning or whatever. The only things she doesn’t do are the things she’s physically incapable of doing and I understand that. I have no issue doing the heavy lifting. But in a relationship, you can’t tell your significant other what they’re going to do or supposed to do unless you’re willing for them to turn around and tell you what you’re going to do. So I would say be careful saying that certain things are just what men are supposed to do. For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction…
Anwar: In my opinion a woman has two overall primary roles and responsibilities:
1. To Nurture
2. To Teach
As the nurturer the woman is responsible for providing care to the body and mind of each member of her family. There are a variety of ways a woman can provide care to the body, however one of the most notable ways is (yes, you guessed it) cooking ( Watch This!). #lexus #cook #bitterbloodriddim #donemanbankbook #bullybeef lol. This is not to say a man should not cook however, before we were men we were boys who had mothers who fed us. Not only did your mothers feed us by cooking but once upon a time, before we could digest regular food, Mom was the one who fed us. Women are physiologically built to feed.
In terms of nurturing the mind, this is where women are responsible for instilling values. There is a reason why the saying goes “Didn’t your MOTHER ever teach you any manners?”. Here although fathers, in ideal circumstances, are meant to assist and reinforce, Dads are simply not on trial here.
Now, this leads me into teaching. Here I will be broad but I think it should suffice. There is an inextricable connection between mother and child, where our mothers (ie. women) are the ones who first teach us how to communicate. In reading and sensing the various forms of nonverbal communication we receive from our mothers, we learn how to speak. Hence the term “Mother Tongue”. From there on, the learning never stops.
Even though she seems a bit… rough, I’m going with Participant 1, hands down. The rest of them are either lazy, confused or both. Shhieet.
Are you opposed to your significant other being more successful than you? Would it affect your pride if she were the bread winner, and you were the stay at home dad? What are your thoughts about the ladies discussion about a stay at home dad (Please read Convo Two)
Rudny: There are two definitions of success in my book, being financially successful vs. being successful in accolades or position. I’ve dealt with both types of women in my past and the one thing that I can say is that in both cases they pushed me to better myself. I now realize that no matter how much I get accomplished on my own, having someone there that is just as driven or more driven me can give me the motive to do more, to push harder.
If she over flaunts it or tries to belittle me with her success then I wouldn’t take it. I’ve had a girl tell me that I would never make as much as her because she had her Phd, and I had to break it down that I would always net more than her, simply because of all the loans she had. And after that day, I curved her every time she tried to chill with me. I don’t believe in becoming a stay at home dad AT ALL unless whatever residual or business we had allowed us BOTH to stay at home.
Wale: I’m not opposed to my significant other being more successful. At the end of the day, we’re a team. Everything that we’re doing is to make us better. Just as she wouldn’t feel a certain way with me being more successful. The goal is to set ourselves up for success in life. However we can get that, we’ll take it. I couldn’t be a stay at home dad though. That just wouldn’t sit well with me personally. That very well may make me feel like less of a man. I don’t care about bringing in less to the home, but I want to be bringing something in at least.
Every situation is different though. My wife has a senior at work who is a stay at home husband, but that’s because his wife works crazy hours. She brings in enough money so that he doesn’t have to work. That’s what works best for their relationship. I’m not sure how her husband feels about that, but if it works in their relationship and they’re both happy, who am I to say that he shouldn’t be happy being a stay at home husband?
Anwar: I am absolutely unopposed to a woman being more successful than me. Be it in a higher position at work and or a larger salary. I more-so see it as we are both members of the same team and therefore soldiers in the same struggle. I don’t believe in allowing a woman’s success in the workplace to affect my ability as the leader of the family. As the leader of the family I am the architect of the kingdom we build and legacy we leave for the children. If she is caked up, this only means that we as a team can plan on expanding the empire and building bigger. For example, multiple side hustles, rental properties, small businesses, etc. The money one makes from their job is merely a starting point. Wealth is built upon the foundation of entrepreneurship.
I think staying at home and taking care of the home-front is very honorable. As treasurers of the assets of a community, I think this role comes more naturally to women than men, but this doesn’t mean a man cannot do it. If I had to be a stay at home dad, I would definitely have a few side hustles. As a young buck, growing up I always saw my father get up and go to work. He never took any days off. Now that I am older, that is the only thing I know how to do; aside from handy work around the house and basic car maintenance. Its very simple, as a collective men are builders. However, as I mentioned before, if I have to I will get in where if fit in. If there is a need that needs to be met, especially if there are kids involved, I will do what is necessary to fulfill the need.
So there you have it, three very honest opinions from three educated, sarcastic, yet somewhat charming men. What’s your opinion on the two different roles? Are you okay with your hubby staying at home with the kids? Share your thoughts.0