but seriously. Who? Over the course of December, after my many days of reflection, I reviewed my “goodie list” of things I want for myself. I attempted to approach this a little differently, you know, outside of my normal, “Yetti, you’re failing, do better” pep-talk. With each item, I assessed why it was not complete and what were the blocking factors. The first round analysis was full of excuses:
- Crazy hours at work
- My old shitty roommate Cortne caused me so much stress
- Oh the heart ache, oh the depression
- I don’t know where to begin
- It’s too complicated to invest time into
- I need to work on ____ instead
- Someone else is already doing it
But then it dawned on me. If I really wanted to complete these goals, I could have made the time, I could have used the anger created from Cortne, and I could have channeled my pain into something productive. I could have made the decision to complete these said goals no matter what the setbacks may have been. The only person or thing that can really stop me from living up to my potential… is me.
We’re very much in control of our fates. I know, I know… I sound like a watered down version of “The Secret,” or Louise Hay but it’s true. To tell you the truth, I can really only relate to this from a negative standpoint a few positive ones. In the past three years, almost everything negative I haven’t wanted to happen… has happened. Everything terrible I have focused on, paid attention and hoped and prayed didn’t happen, has. It was really annoying at first, but after thinking it through and making sense of certain situations, it now makes sense.
I hate to use the word manifest, it makes things sound magical, kind of instant, and phony. But what you give your attention and focus to, what you allow your mind to actively dwell on, the words you speak, and thoughts you think, they all play into how your life manifests.
- It’s why athletes who are told to envision themselves winning the gold trophy before a race, have a greater chance of doing so. (Google it)
- It’s why when you wake up in the morning with a shitty ‘tude, the day seems to play out accordingly
- It’s why you never cross that thing off of your bucket list, because you’re focused on the time it’ll take, or the negative outcome.
The only thing really ever stopping you, is you… which is why I began to ask myself questions such as:
- “Why not me?”
- “Who else can do this like I can?”
- “Who gon’ stop me?”
It reminds me of when I was in college. My freshman year, grade-wise… was terrible. It was a combination of getting back at my parents for forcing me to go to a school I told them I didn’t want to, and me thinking I was just not capable of doing well in a sea of people… who were just a brilliant or maybe more than I was. When sophomore year came around, I managed to survive the 1st of our 4 yearly semesters with the same shitty mindset, but semesters 2 through 4? I demolished them. Between National Society of Black Engineers, Black Student Union, Step Team, my two jobs and being “Mama Yetti,” to a group of freshman I cared for, I managed to exceed in it all. I even did so while balancing a social life, a boyfriend, and preparing for an upcoming semester in Morocco. It may seem a bit trivial, but I attended one of the most fast paced engineering universities in the country, not everyone makes it through. It was simply because for some odd reason I just wanted to “kick ass”. I just wanted to do it, and do it well… and with that new goal, new mindset, my new affirmation of “I’ve got this,” I did exceptionally well.
In December, I made the decision to ignore my fears of being in second place, possibly failing, sleepless night that may not turn out the way I wanted to, and a loss of people who “cared” about me. I began putting my focus on what good may come from me making my goodie list happen for me. I re-applied that mentality from sophomore year. And yes, between my job, my health, my new initiatives and some old lingering problems, it won’t be as easy. But I will be fine. There will be ups and downs, there will bullshit that’ll temporarily interfere, but I’ve been through so much work this year already and 2013 alone… I’ll be fine. More than fine.
So I ask again… Who gon’ stop me?
Or better yet, “What’s stopping you?”