Thank my multiple group chats for this one!
O1 | MEN GOSSIP
I believe it was Diddy that coined the phrase “bitchassness” and it honestly is the only way to explain some of the events that occur in the land of Twitter… and sometimes outside. As I explained before, I sometimes view twitter as the internet version of a high-school cafeteria. It encompasses the various groups, not to mention the same drama drawn from the same tired topics constantly being discussed as if they were breaking news. But one thing twitter resembles the most from high-school, is the gossiping.
Countless times I have seen grown men engage and feed the never-ending game of telephone. Whoever said gossiping was a female activity clearly never experienced “Black Twitter” on a Monday morning following a “scandal”. They’ve never witnessed a man leave his twitter app at lightening speed with a screenshot to place within a text, a group chat or simply for “just in case” purposes.
O2 | MEN CAN BE HEARTBROKEN
If you think seeing a bitter woman tweet is excruciating, check my favorites on twitter. Heartbroken men on twitter may be slightly worse. Instead of lyrics, they tweet hateful messages about women, in which we all know is targeted to the woman who broke their heart. Instead of I miss him, it’s Fuck this bitch! Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s entertaining. You know, seeing a man act the way you do. But most of the time it’s concerning and very embarrassing.
O3 | MEN CREATE CRAZY WOMEN
Did I mention that all the groundbreaking relationship advice is on twitter? Oh yes. You have access to relationship gurus at the tip of your fingers. When the average man gets a hold of relationship advice on twitter, you are bound to see several personal accounts shared on your timeline. Now whether any of these encounters are real is none of my business, but the stories I have read, they’re evidence that men drive women to be crazy.
Pay attention, people. Women do not wake up with the sudden urge to search through their significant other’s phone all willy nilly. They see flirtatious tweets and direct messages thrown towards a twitter handle that doesn’t resemble their own. And just like that my friend, the crazy seed has been planted. This is your warning.
O4 | MEN HAVE FAKE STANDARDS
Twitter is where you will see statements such as:
— V-103 | Kodaq (@DJKayyOhh) July 23, 2014
If a woman doesn’t know how to cook… Well then she’s not a woman.
— Bdell (@Bdell1014) December 6, 2013
And then see the exact same man making these statements dating the complete opposite of the standards he just deemed as necessary. I laugh, I cackle.
O5 | MEN STALK TOO
They do! It’s not just something us women do when we’re trying to figure out how so and so got engaged so quickly on FB. Men do this too, and they do it fairly well. They will piece together twitter arguments from multiple different profiles. They know who you’re referring to even without you mentioning the person. Not only that, they will keep tabs of your every move with just a flick of their finger. I’ve had a man tell me that within his twitter app, my tweets were highlighted a different color just so he knew when I was on his timeline.
Don’t worry mummy and mama Ellen, I carry mace.
Disclaimer: This post was for shits and giggles. Hope you enjoyed!0