There is something about this year that makes me want to cartwheel and jump over the moon into 2015. This year was incredible, but at the same time it blowed. This year I experienced painful losses, but also experienced a level of happiness I’m still in a little bit of disbelief about. This year I was forced to reevaluate almost everything and everyone, and because of that, I feel so much equipped and ready for the days to come. But most importantly, this year I finally grasped a concept I don’t think I’ve honestly been able to touch since I set the goal of obtaining it.
I learned to like me. Love me.
In my moodiness and rage during the end of last year, I forfeited writing my yearly reflection, but I’m sure it would have gone something like this: This year sucked. I was heartbroken, still. Got over it. Reopened the wound. Was robbed by my roommate. My health sucked my savings dry. And I am angry and miserable again this holiday season. To tell you the truth, it would have been something along the same lines of 2011‘s reflection and the undertone of 2012‘s… both written more eloquently of course.
And with that overview, 2014 began just as I had expected it to, in tune with the shittiness of 2013. Life was messy, unorganized and I was desperate for some sort of relief. I took to meditation, chanting and affirmations hoping it would help me get my life together, I upped the time I spent in therapy, because… desperation, not knowing exactly what the issue was but trying to fix it anyway. I was kind of in shambles, which is hard to admit, but completely and utterly true.
But as the year progressed, I was forced to shuffle around my priorities as I removed negativity from my life, and with that began something I like to call, “How Yetti Got Her Phenomenal Back”. And from there, even with falling back down numerous times and resuming life with muddied and scraped knee’s, Phenomenal Yetti flourished like she’s never done before. I don’t think that ever would have if I didn’t learn to take the bullshit I had endured in 2013, and spin it into lessons learned, as my Aunt put it to me this morning.
This year, I learned that changes begin with only one point, that point being me. I learned to pick my battles and to choose and fight for my happiness. I learned that not all friendships are built to last, and that not everyone should have a piece of you, especially when it’s not deserved or respected. This year I found my voice, and formed a brand that I can proudly say is all me, 100%.
This year, I connected with people I never thought to reach out to, and even learned to take a few risks against my anxiety. This year, I learned to say ‘fuck it’ and ‘fuck you too’ against things that no longer serve me. This year, I learned to be kind to myself, to accept the fact that I am indeed human, and that I make mistakes too. This year, I learned that people will disappoint you but they are human also. I learned to forgive myself for the craziness that was September and for the past doings I’ve been holding on to. This year I forgave, without forgetting the details yet not holding it against them either.
This year, I learned to let things go. This year, I learned to fight for what is right. This year, I experienced that dreams paired with hard work really does pay off, and when you have the right people in your corner, failure isn’t really an option. I felt true, unconditional love this year, and actually made friends. Real “I’ve got your bail money ready” kind of friends.
This year I challenged myself in all aspects, and learned that I can not do it all. I learned that there are people out there that will support you from near and far. I experienced supporters that were never really supporters to begin with.
This year I enjoyed my first holiday season since 2010.
This year, I lived.
This was my year. 2014 was my year. Finally.